SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Leaving a watermelon on someone's doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.

   Ugh. Do I really need to register to your website to leave a comment? I just need to disagree with this assh0le real quick.

   I used to think the brain was the most interesting part of the body. Then I realized what was telling me that.

   When you say the word “poop” your mouth does the same motion as your butt hole. The same can be said for the phrase, “explosive diarrhea.”

   I was so angry when I found my wife's profile on a dating website. That lying b!tch isn't “fun to be around.”

   Don't worry about what people think. They don't do it that often.

   I'm going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.

   A homeless man is just a hardcore camper.

   Seeing a loser from your high school w/ a good job is like graffiti on a highway bridge… how the Hell did that get there?

   We had a family tree but someone chopped it down and built a bar with it.

   "Shia LeBeouf" sounds like the name of the venereal disease that will eventually rid the world of Kardashians.

   The last time she got 100% on a test it involved peeing on a stick.

   If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.

   Towels are a scam... think about it - a towel is only a towel, but anything that's like pants or a sheet or whatever is also a towel.

   If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and sh!t.

   Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead. The sugar bowls empty and so is your head.

   When Bill Gates feels like a million bucks, he's having a crappy day.

   Never fight anyone who bows to you first.

   After I bang a chick, I draw a “#” on the her lower back. I call it an #asstag.

   "Will, you, Mary, Me" -- invitation to an orgy.