Snotty Funny Status Messages
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American Apparel is filing for bankruptcy again... The good news is that they're only a couple more bankruptcies away from running for President.
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11-15-2016 16:59 by snotty
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Now my neighbors know how often I pee in my backyard... Thanks, super moon. Thanks.
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11-14-2016 20:12 by snotty
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Things get back to normal tomorrow when Supermoon returns to work as mild mannered reporter Clark Moon.
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11-14-2016 20:04 by snotty
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There will be a 'Supermoon' tonight... That means it will be wearing its underpants on the outside.
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11-14-2016 20:02 by snotty
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When the moon hits your eye Like a bigger pizza pie,,,, That's a....Supermoon.
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11-14-2016 20:01 by snotty
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Supermoon was OK... But according to Rotten Tomatoes, still way better than Supermoon v Batmoon.
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11-14-2016 20:00 by snotty
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I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.
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11-14-2016 07:39 by snotty
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"Please stop being mean" - Me 3 seconds in to a rap battle
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11-14-2016 01:06 by snotty
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[grocery produce aisle]... ME: Hi, are these genetically modified carrots?.. CLERK: No, why do you ask?... CARROT: Yeah, why do you ask?
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11-12-2016 12:42 by snotty
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BREAKING NEWS: Game show hosts going on strike... They know their jobs are in Jeopardy,.. but they won't settle until they can get a contract where The Price Is Right.
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11-12-2016 11:02 by snotty
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All I'm sayin is how do you expect your gluteus to be maximus,,, if you don't eat your bacon?
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11-12-2016 09:29 by snotty
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My favorite dinosaurs were the carbivores... You never hear about them because they went extinct before the others,,, You know cuz,, like all the gluten and such...
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11-12-2016 08:53 by snotty
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In these trying times, I want to find good in this world so here goes,,,,, I am extremely grateful that Cap'n Crunch leaves far more gently than it enters.
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11-12-2016 08:48 by snotty
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I just introduced a guy wearing a hoodie with shorts, to a guy wearing a vest... They're fighting... Umm Wait,, That's actually making out, they're making out.
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11-12-2016 08:34 by snotty
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Hot Kraft singles in your area are difficult to open, and really not good cheese anyway,,,, So....
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11-12-2016 08:30 by snotty
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Me: But God, where did the second set of footprints go?.. God: That's when you were dating that psycho. I wasn't sticking around for that.
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11-12-2016 08:28 by snotty
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Hey,,,,Only quitters will say you don't eat the corn dog stick.
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11-10-2016 20:50 by snotty
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I just changed my voicemail greeting to “Seriously?”
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11-05-2016 17:25 by snotty
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FACT: the 2016 election didn't make anyone any uglier than they were already, it just made their pre-existing ugliness easier to see
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11-05-2016 17:14 by snotty
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I personally prefer Right Twix because I don't agree with Left Twix's stance on crumb control.
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11-05-2016 13:00 by snotty
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