Markf Funny Status Messages

   thinking that now that I have a laptop computer, iPhone, GPS and tablet PC, my ADD is actually a positive thing now.

   heard the bad news that dozens of NYC ambulances are out of service due to snowdrifts piled high in the streets. The good news is there are dozens of lawyers out of service now, too.

   would like to see a more man-friendly mall for next Christmas. It needs to have a Home Depot, AutoZone, Bass Pro Shop, Lowe's, Sears, Gander Mtn, Pep Boys, a Longhorn Steakhouse and ESPN radio playing over the christmas tunes.

   dreaming of a 'backcolor=#FFFFFF' Christmas.

   likes the Hide button so much that he is now working on one for the laundry.

   wants to point out that real men don't sparkle.

   happy that President Obama recently visited India. Maybe now we can start sending jobs in Congress offshore.

   thinking that Venti must be the Italian word for "you just paid an insane amount of money for a cup of coffee."

   wondering what Captain Hook's name was before he lost his hand.

   thinks it's funny that the Carnival cruise ship passengers were complaining about having no showers and eating nothing but Spam and Pop-Tarts. Right now thousands of male computer science majors are trying to find out how to sign up for the next cruise.

   relieved to see Facebook finally expanded the Religion choice to include Amish, for all those Amish people out there with computers.

   heard that Bruce Willis is working on the next Die Hard movie. Working titles are Die Hard: The Colonoscopy or Die Hard: Medicare with a Vengeance.

   wonders if someone driving a VW bug knows they are causing fistfights wherever they go.

   thinking they need to rename 'Dancing with the Stars' to 'Dancing with the National Enquirer.'

   thinks the markets are sliding faster today than a disgruntled flight attendant.

   wondering why someone would put down their needle anywhere near a haystack.

   passed a door in the stairwell with the sign: "Door is Alarmed." I told it to relax, everything is going to be okay.

   wondering why people with bad breath are always wanting to tell me a secret.

   wondering why cameras have round lenses that take square pictures.

   getting ready for May 21st (this Friday) which is Talk Like Yoda Day...practicing we should be, hmm?