JEBI Funny Status Messages

   I won't lie, I'd pay top dollar to just see Katy Perry work a jackhammer for a few minutes.

   When Kate Middleton goes into labor, the doctor will say "the baby is crowning!" And they'll laugh and laugh...

   After sex, I like to cuddle up to her, wrap my arm around her, brush her hair and whisper: "Welcome to rock bottom."

   My Oscar speech would begin like this...First and foremost, I would like to thank my legs. Without them I would not be standing here today...

   I'm going to have three children.. One girl, named Stacey, so my wife can be Stacey's mom.. And she will have it going on.. One boy named Luke, so I can say "Luke, I am your father." and one more boy named Sparta.. So I can introduce him 'THIS IS SPARTAA'

   Friends don't let friends make 'Harlem Shake' videos...

   I guess we know what the Pope is giving up for lent...being the Pope...

   One time I farted so loud in my sleep they had to stop the bus...

   I'd kill for a microwave that plays Europe's “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.

   PSY does the gangnam style dance so much...don't you think he should've lost some weight by now?

   The only footsteps I would follow are those of a landmine deactivation technician...

   I'm going on a vodka diet. Apparently you can lose 3 days in one week...

   Next time your bf/gf get mad attach a cape around their neck and say "Now you're super mad!" If they laugh...marry them...

   Lance Armstrong cheated this whole time? Yeah right...next thing you're going to tell me is that Subway's footlong sandwiches are only 11 inches long...silly people...

   My favorite vegetable is bacon...

   I turned my phone onto "Airplane Mode" and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever...

   Well it turns out, the answer wasn't at the bottom of the bottle, I guess I'll have to check in the other 23...

   I think its about time we put the movie 2012 in the comedy section...

   My American friends take a moment to "g00gle" "idlenomore" your Canadian neighbours are starting a revolution one tweet at a time...

   I wonder how hard J-LO has to laugh for her ass to fall off?