Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   If I've learned anything from my 7-day Detox, it's that I love toxins.

   I'm at my most relaxed around dogs and prescription drugs.

   Where did all the people walking around with boomboxes in the 80s go? I'm concerned.

   If you love someone, keep drinking

   Alcohol poisoning must suck. I can't imagine what it's like being poisoned by the one you love

   Nike: Just Do It. Crocs: Just Don't.

   When I'm all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I'd never let that scenario become a reality.

   I'm at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage

   "We need to talk" - Your Finances

   Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

   Apparently Pound Town is NOT a British dollar store.

   I did so much yard work today, I might get deported.

   Vodka and denial is still cheaper than therapy

   Patience, I'm being creepy as fast as I can.

   Sorry for drunk texting last night. And this morning. And right now.

   I'm nothing like this generation. I just live in it.

   one time I came home early and walked in on my dog pretending to be me. he was just lying on the floor sighing but I know it was me

   "I got my cat fixed" "Is it a dog now?"

   Hot singles in your area want to go through your trash. Never mind these are raccoons

   If Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles had a boy band it would be called "what direction"