Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   45. People who call with blocked numbers deserve to not get answered!

   + + + R.I.P Claude Choules.....the world's LAST surviving veteran of WWI, who died peacefully at his hostel home in Salter Point, Western Australia, at the mighty age of 110. I salute you, Sir. May you have the long, dignified sleep you deserve. + + +

   I judge women by how comfortable their shoes are.

   We can learn at least one thing from all those villains from those superhero movies. They never run from a fight, even if they knew they had no chance of winning!

   how do you scare a bee ? BOO-BEE!

   Navy seals now it's time 2 go after the one responsible for raising gas prices !!!

   Everything is so digital these days, my kids can't even read a clock with hands.

   TGIF? TG4DVR! I just watched 90 minutes of Idol in 17 minutes and 30 seconds.

   World Population Rank: 1.China 2.India 3.Facebook 4.USA 5.MySpace 6.Indonesia 7.Brazil 8.Twitter

   This just in... Apple has just hired LeBron James to fix the iPhone signal problem!

   When I'm bored, nobody texts me, but when I'm busy, my phone blows up.

   "Do you have a cell phone?" You might as well be asking me if I have a pulse.

   Dear Wikileaks...where is the fkn video already...Sincerely, USA

   Anyone have a truck I can borrow? I need to drag some ATMs about a mile or so

   Bin Laden is standing before God waiting to hear his punishment... God gets a tap on the shoulder. There behind him stand 343 firemen, 72 police officers, one K9 officer, 3,000 American citizens & over 5,000 Soldiers, they say."Don't worry God, we got thi

   just saw Elvis, Marilyn and Bin Laden at Walmart...I have pics...but for politically correct reasons I cannot post them!

   I never know when it will strike... but there comes a moment at work when I've made up my mind that I'm not doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

   I think that every horoscope should read: "Your day is already a failure... you rely on horoscopes."

   An american may be taking over the Al Qaeda spot...Look Trump, I know you're angry Obama interrupted Celebrity Apprentice, but you're taking it too far.

   Mariah named her newborn boy Moroccan Scott, after her fav Moroccan room in her NYC apartment. Her newborn daughter White Monroe, after Marilyn's white piano she owns. (Wtf?) And, I'm Italian Stallion. You figure out why.