Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   stop analyzing, criticizing, you should realize what I am & start epitomizing.

   You can't find me cause I'm lost in the music.

   I 'm trapped in a maze, therefore I am a-maze-ing.

   I'd like to see Chaz Bono go to DC teach a few Democrats how to be a man.

   I don't want a broken heart because I'll lose the pieces.

   My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.

   I always had a peculiar sense of direction ,I just never knew where it would take me.

   Whatever you do...don't eat the cheesy fish tacos.

   I told her beauty is why God invented eyeballs, and her booty is why God invented my balls.

   Alcohol kills slowly...So what? Who's in a hurry?

   I shall be the first person ever to step foot on the sun. Now, I know exactly what's going through your mind, but I got it all figured out - I'm going at night

   "Let me put it simply. You can't find out who sees your profile. You won't win Southwest Airlines tickets. You won't know what that man saw when he walked in on his daughter. There are no free iPads. And you can't see the video of Osama's death.. Not on

   Now I have to shop for Bin Ladin free tuna.

   Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't teach me how to handle my children, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement"

   Keep your FRIENDS close and your Enemies on Limited Profile.

   Before you judge people, make sure you're better than them, or at least you're not one of them.

   The Walk Of Shame: When you toss a paper ball in the trash, miss, then have to go get it.

   Dear women: we don't give a CRAP about eyebrows. Love, men.

   off to get charged. Will be back when the batteries are full. Good night all.

   dollarama should be a Tonnie Rama now.