Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4972 of 6451

What do we call the science of classifying living things?... Racism
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05-12-2011 11:29
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sells toilet paper for a living.... When the world poops he eats.
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05-12-2011 11:15
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The Lakers and Celtics out of the playoffs, woo hoo! Go bulls!
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05-12-2011 11:14
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It's so annoying when someone is talking and I'm trying to interrupt
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05-12-2011 10:49
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Does anyone else see the Elephant in the room.. Or is it just me?
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05-12-2011 10:17
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Bin Laden's wife has just changed her FB staus to single
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05-12-2011 10:12 by Bob
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Thinks Women are magic creatures: they get wet without water, bleed without being injured, give milk without eating grass, can make boneless meat ROCK HARD!
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05-12-2011 09:20 by Griff
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When life hands you lemons it should only remind you to buy more tequila, life is as simple as that.

They don't have an airport. Apparently you have to be driven there
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05-12-2011 09:01
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I've been to a lot of places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito, either. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't hav
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05-12-2011 08:49
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If Osama Bin Laden had a student loan, we would have found him Sept 12.
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05-12-2011 08:38
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I Googled Fudge recipes last nite. not the rusults I was expecting.

To quarrel with a drunk is to wrong a man who is not there.
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05-12-2011 08:20
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There is no app that can show you who is "stalking" your profile, no video of Usama getting shot, no honest politicians and no Easter Bunny. So please quit being so permiscious with your clicker and spreading FTV's (fb transmitted viruses).

Watch your wedding video backwards, you will love the bit where you take off the ring get out of the Church and f*** off with friends
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05-12-2011 08:00
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A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas
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05-12-2011 07:57
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My wife walked into the den & asked "Whats on the tv?" I replied "Dust" .

was sitting on the bus today opposite a stunning Thai girl, thinking don't get an erection, don't get an erection - but then she did

Ladies remember: Being honest and direct doesn't make you a B*tch. It makes you the Realest B*tch no-one dares to mess with.

Every woman has that ONE guy she will never lose feelings for, even if she gets married to another.