Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You know you were raised Catholic when you're watching Star Wars and hear "the force be with you" and you respond "and also with you."

   just ate from an unmarked tupperware container at the back of the fridge. I think it was chicken yogurt.

   The person who loves you more.. Will fight with you daily.. Without any reason But.. Whenever you're sad he will fight with the world to end your sadness..

   Don't waste your time on things that only hurt you, and remember to forget those who forget you.

   Drama = Dumb Retard Asking for More Attention

   Money doesn't bring happiness although… shopping does!

   I think it's okay for dorks to stare at beautiful women. I mean, it's not like they can see us anyway.

   Angry Birds suicide hotline, which level are you stuck on?

   Doing the job of three men, Larry Moe and Curly.

   going to the drive-in in my RV and parking right in front of you!

   My farts aren't usually this loud. This chair just makes them echo.

   Some people were dropped as a baby, but then there's some that were clearly thrown at the wall

   everybody makes mistakes.... just ask your parents!

   wondering how many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said!!

   I love Swamp people...."choot em, hurry choot em"

   Dear Kobe Bryant, Would you like some cheese with that whine....sincerely Steve Nash

   Toilet was stolen out of City Hall yesterday. Police say they have nothing to go on!

   I love to stand in line at ATM machines, and when people put in their PIN, I yell GOT IT then run away.

   Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.

   I'm going to be the first person to walk on the sun... I know what ur thinking an I've got it all figured out... I'm going at night.