Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon What do we call the science of classifying living things?... Racism
←Rate | 05-12-2011 11:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon sells toilet paper for a living.... When the world poops he eats.
←Rate | 05-12-2011 11:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Lakers and Celtics out of the playoffs, woo hoo! Go bulls!
←Rate | 05-12-2011 11:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so annoying when someone is talking and I'm trying to interrupt
←Rate | 05-12-2011 10:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does anyone else see the Elephant in the room.. Or is it just me?
←Rate | 05-12-2011 10:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bin Laden's wife has just changed her FB staus to single
←Rate | 05-12-2011 10:12 by Bob Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thinks Women are magic creatures: they get wet without water, bleed without being injured, give milk without eating grass, can make boneless meat ROCK HARD!
←Rate | 05-12-2011 09:20 by Griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon When life hands you lemons it should only remind you to buy more tequila, life is as simple as that.
←Rate | 05-12-2011 09:12 by Ginger Curtis Comments (0)  


   messageicon They don't have an airport. Apparently you have to be driven there
←Rate | 05-12-2011 09:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been to a lot of places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito, either. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't hav
←Rate | 05-12-2011 08:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Osama Bin Laden had a student loan, we would have found him Sept 12.
←Rate | 05-12-2011 08:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I Googled Fudge recipes last nite. not the rusults I was expecting.
←Rate | 05-12-2011 08:27 by allen dean Comments (0)  


   messageicon To quarrel with a drunk is to wrong a man who is not there.
←Rate | 05-12-2011 08:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is no app that can show you who is "stalking" your profile, no video of Usama getting shot, no honest politicians and no Easter Bunny. So please quit being so permiscious with your clicker and spreading FTV's (fb transmitted viruses).
←Rate | 05-12-2011 08:18 by michael stanley Comments (0)  


   messageicon Watch your wedding video backwards, you will love the bit where you take off the ring get out of the Church and f*** off with friends
←Rate | 05-12-2011 08:00 Comments (1)  


   messageicon A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas
←Rate | 05-12-2011 07:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife walked into the den & asked "Whats on the tv?" I replied "Dust" .
←Rate | 05-12-2011 06:15 by @anikethmendonca Comments (0)  


   messageicon was sitting on the bus today opposite a stunning Thai girl, thinking don't get an erection, don't get an erection - but then she did
←Rate | 05-12-2011 06:15 by Richard Hyland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies remember: Being honest and direct doesn't make you a B*tch. It makes you the Realest B*tch no-one dares to mess with.
←Rate | 05-12-2011 03:38 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every woman has that ONE guy she will never lose feelings for, even if she gets married to another.
←Rate | 05-12-2011 02:25 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  




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