Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I wonder if anyone's going to organize a Slim Jim light vigil in honor of Randall Mario Poffo. 
RIP Macho Man. He must of had an early boarding pass for the rapture. You will be missed......
The Macho Man is going to be the coolest and most badass Zombie.
I lost my balance crawling into bed and leaned my head on the ceiling to prevent from falling over.
Y couldn't judgement day begin on Monday!? why did it had to ruin my weekend!?
Even if you are not a zombie tomorrow, I'm still going out of my way to smash your face
Breaking News: It's now Rapture Day in Japan and nothing has happened so far. In related news: True believers starting to come up with excuses.
getting my baseball bat and ninja sword ready for tomorrow
If nothing happens tomorrow, I'm still bashing heads!
How can Judgement day Saturday? I've not even finished building Skynet yet!
I've never fully accepted or mastered many of the key elements of being a grown up.
My Born Again Christian friend with the Porsche is wondering why I've been following him around all morning........
Would you be freaked out if I told you that I was updating this from inside your closet?
Feel the pain of 9.99999 Karma points *smack*
FYI... 1st person to complain about the heat this summer, will be deleted from my friends list, ohhhh & if I see you out in public--I'll slap ur face...
Just got hit on by a decent looking guy working at Ralphs... He ended up asking 4 my # & I said,"Oh & 2 packs of parliament lights & I'll b paying w my food stamp card." Turns out, no decent looking dude wants to date a 2 pack a day,low income poor woman?
Apocalypse Tip: When you become a Zombie, stay clear of Washington D.C, no brains will be found there.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.
I would rather soak my berry's in maple syrup and sit on an ant hill than diddle Arnold Swartzenegger's baby momma!
apperently the world is ending today.....just got my surf gear ready....just in case that tsunami decides to come.....have to ride that shyt before I die :D......LOL 