Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   OMG.... at 3pm, 6pm in the east I felt this horrible shaking and noise and thought, OH NO AHHHH..IT'S TIME...WTH!!!. Then I realized it was the washing machine out of balance.

   has been sitting outside with a cooler all day and has not seen one Veloc-raptor....

   it is 6:01 and I am still here... or am I??? Rapture Schmapture!

   installing SKYNET.... ████████████░░░░░░░░░ 49% DONE. Errors found....decompressing...... Installation failed. Please try again in 2012. *doh*

   You must be this -^- tall to ride the Rapture!

   I firmly believe that horse races are the rich man's NASCAR

   May 21, 2011 6:00pm?? Wait...where in the Bible does it mention clocks?

   Why are all the apocalypse on eastern standard time?

   my moneys on the Mucho Macho Man in the Preakness cause the real Macho Man Randy Savage will be snappin in to a slim jim from above~ OOH YEAH!!

   wondering which of the following are most likely to happen? 1: The Rapture. 2: Pigs flying in perfect formation. 3: Politicians being completely honest.

   Ah facebook, bringing the drama of the outside world straight to your home computer.

   upset that history channels mounted in alaska has absolutely nothing to do with bristol palin

   "If you can dream it, you can do it." Walt Disney

   6:00 ???? They didnt even have clocks in the bible

   I told her dont be mad but I'm leaving just as fast as I came!

   i wonder if this people who predicted the rapture are praying for an earthquake so they wont look stupid or praying for the end of the world to happen.

   The awkward moment where you predict the end of the world, and nothing happens.

   FYI - I just opened washing machine and found clothes, but no one was wearing them. Rapture, anyone???

   I feel sorry for the people that actually have Earthquakes today..

   I thought I was about to get raptured, but it turns out it was just gas.