Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Apparently this end of the world rapture thing is today, unfortunately I regret to inform you the 1124 fast track train to 'HELL' is delayed due to an earlier signal fault and over running engineering works, Oh well

   What if the end of the world just means the end of Facebook. It's the world to so many people...

   HOW TO CONTROL PEOPLE: Repeatedly lie to people about a "life-ending event" in the basis of religion enough times to where they slighty believe you and have them talk about it all over the world.

   I'm really going to crap my pants today if there is an apocalypse. Of course, I might just crap them anyhow, regardless what happens.

   Does this status update make me look fat?

   For the people who believe in this Rapture nonsense. Here's some information that will shock your gullible mind. In new Zealand it is now: Saturday May 21 and the current time is 7:42 AM ...havent heard anything from them yet.

   For those of you who won't be joining us in Heaven tomorrow but going to the other place below, Pauly Shore will be the guest on The View.

   You said you would go out with me only if it were our last day on earth... my pickup line tonight

   I have a friend of mine looking for 20 blow up dolls and a bottle of helium.....Release the Rapture!!!

   It's already making plans for Sunday...just in case I survive!

   umm.. yeah, its may 21st in china already.. why hasnt the apocalypse started yet?

   Tomorrow is the end? Then I call "SHOTGUN"!!

   The term weekend could have a whole new meaning tomorrow.

   Ronald McDonald has to retire because he is making kids fat? Really? So kids are driving themselves to McDonald's now?

   Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.

   Relationships don't need promises, terms, and conditions. It just needs two wonderful people; one who can trust and one who can understand.

   ill make everyone in the world a bet... if we die tomorrow I'll give you a doller, if we live you have to give me a doller. good? okay.

   If the world ends tomorrow. I feel like it was somehow Sarah Palin's fault.

   That awkward moment when you change your Facebook status to “single” and your ex 'Likes' it.

   Saturdays forcast: doomy with chance of rapture..