Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My boloney has a first name its H.A.R.O.L.D...!!!

   Dyslexic man walks into a bra *Ba-Dum-Bum Tsss*

   Ob-la-di, ob-la-da life goes on brah, La la how the life goes on

   I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or anything, but this is the fifth end of the world I've survived

   The awkward moment when you wake up and your house is gone

   thinking that Harold Camping's mathematical equation involved a Magic 8-ball.

   The difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is how you use them.

   oh crap..they didn't take me but they took the rum!

   Cheer up, Harold Camping. A volcano erupted in Iceland. That's something.

   I'm not saying the mainstream media is liberal, but I'm pretty sure I just saw NBC congratulate President Obama on defeating The Rapture.

   I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or anything, but I've survived Y2k, 9/11, Bird Flu, H1N1, 6-6-2006 and now the rapture/apocalypse. Bring on 2012, I'm a survivor baby!

   I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or anything, but this is the fifth end of the world I've survived.

   Note to self : when manscaping don't use after shave....

   At least this apocalypse and rapture debacle has conclusively proven one significant fact: We are not alone! We have idiots living among us!

   The only place that the rapture happened was on myspace.

   INSTALLING the RAPTURE... ███████████████░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ 45% DONE. Install delayed....please wait. Installation failed. Please try again. 404 error: RAPTURE not found.

   Hey Harold Camping, we all make mistakes. It's not the end of the world...

   i cant belive they actually thought they predicted the end of the world...When mankind can barely predict a 5 day weather forecast....This is some bull sh*t!

   I truly don't understand the needs for ladies 70 and above to bath in their perfume, unless their trying to kill their husband.

   Don't worry if you can't come up with a good Rapture joke. It's not the end of the world.