Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or anything, but this is the fifth end of the world I've survived.

   Note to self : when manscaping don't use after shave....

   At least this apocalypse and rapture debacle has conclusively proven one significant fact: We are not alone! We have idiots living among us!

   The only place that the rapture happened was on myspace.

   INSTALLING the RAPTURE... ███████████████░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ 45% DONE. Install delayed....please wait. Installation failed. Please try again. 404 error: RAPTURE not found.

   Hey Harold Camping, we all make mistakes. It's not the end of the world...

   i cant belive they actually thought they predicted the end of the world...When mankind can barely predict a 5 day weather forecast....This is some bull sh*t!

   I truly don't understand the needs for ladies 70 and above to bath in their perfume, unless their trying to kill their husband.

   Don't worry if you can't come up with a good Rapture joke. It's not the end of the world.

   The Mayans are now on the clock

   Sometimes we struggle through a tasteless coffee till the last sip,then we find sugar lying at the bottom. -THAT'S LIFE Sweetened but not stirred well..!!

   Fortunatly the end of the world didn't occur today. Sam and Frodo managed to reach Mount Doom and destroy the ring of power. Golemn didn't make it though.

   i love zombies, we got a lot in common... we both want some brain.

   Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday.

   ATTENTION: The Apocalypse scheduled for this year has been canceled due to time zone confusion.. sorry for the inconvenience.. they will try again next year

   My dear, I know I need Jesus...because that palm tree is way too high for me to climb and trim myself...

   I predict the end of the world will happpen when nobody foresees it.

   You see a big brown van blocking you in a parking space......I see logistics!!

   looks like Harolds ass will be camping outside the Pearly Gates by his damn self.

   I think the rapture stopped along the way for happy hour so that might explain the brief delay... I heard he's hanging out with the Dos Equis guy, the way that cat parties we might get a few extra days...