Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 491 of 6383
excuses are like farts.... anyone can make them but nobody likes them
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12-26-2019 21:11 by Eddy
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Jerk chicken is like regular chicken except he goes around with a backwards baseball cap and calls everyone "chief."
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12-26-2019 20:48 by Fazzy
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What am I supposed to do with all this coal?
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12-26-2019 17:31
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I got jumper cables for Christmas because I like to start crap...
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12-26-2019 15:43 by Gabe
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I can't believe we still have 364 days till Christmas and people already have their lights up.
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12-26-2019 11:24
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The Day After Christmas Menu: Breakfast: Leftover lasagna. Lunch: Leftover lasagna. Dinner: Leftover lasagna. Dessert: Leftover lasagna. Beverage: Lasagna shake.
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12-25-2019 20:21 by Fazzy
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Facebook needs a notification like: “Karen took your Facebook post personally. Would you like to unfriend her?”
Everybody’s saying Merry Christmas to their friends and family, so here’s a Merry Christmas to all the strangers and enemies no one ever says Merry Christmas to!
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12-25-2019 12:15
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If you can read this, you're going to be pretty disappointed in what I "got you" for christmas.
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12-25-2019 11:30 by JohnY
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Prepare yourself. The family Christmas pajama pics are headed your way.
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12-25-2019 11:09 by Fazzy
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Never ask a gay dude if he is anal, say OCD instead.
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12-24-2019 19:50
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If you know anyone home alone for Christmas let me know! I need to borrow their chairs...
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12-24-2019 18:24 by Gabe
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Merry Christmas everyone and Happy Birthday Jesus without a Facebook reminder.
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12-24-2019 11:27
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My New Years Resolutions for 2019 are to stop procrastinating, to quit leaving things to the last minute, to get things done in a timely way, and to stop expressing the same idea in three different ways.
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12-24-2019 10:56
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a silent morning and a silent afternoon wouldn't be so bad either
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12-24-2019 10:53
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If you love Christmas so much, why don't you marry it, Eve? What I'm trying to say is: Merry Christmas Eve.
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12-24-2019 10:51
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I wrote a song called, "For Crying Out Loud, It's Cold Outside!" It's about me and my wife arguing over the thermostat setting.
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12-24-2019 05:13 by Fazzy
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I'm covering my ears like a kid When your words mean nothing, I go la la la
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12-23-2019 16:27
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I think I'm all done reading Facebook. Any recommendations what to read next?
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12-23-2019 16:25
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I'm saying this before the 12th day of Christmas even arrives. I'm keeping the 8 maids a milking and the 9 ladies dancing. That's it Everything else is going back to Walmart.
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12-23-2019 01:05 by Fazzy
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