BEGO Funny Status Messages

   I have yet to see a security guard I couldn't beat the s$it out of.

   When someone says "be honest" what they really mean is: lie to me, but be as convincing as possible.

   8 planets, 1 universe, 204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas and I just HAD to find yo dumbass.

   I hate it when teachers say "From all this talking, I assume you're done." From all this complaining, I assume you're single.

   Congrats on being one of the "cool kids" in Highschool. Too bad about the rest of your life though.

   Gay marriage is legal in 6 states. Having sex with a horse is legal in 23. Good going, America.

   Please don't dress like a slut unless you're really a slut...It's very confusing to us guys.

   EX means: Thanks for the EXperience, Our time has EXpired, now EXit my life..

   Oh look, it's raining outside. I think I'll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don't have a window of their own.

   No mom, you're mad because you're wrong, not because I'm talking back...

   When you mess up a guy's hair, he thinks it's cute, but when you mess up a girl's hair... just hope you're wearing something bulletproof.

   Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is easily the worst thing to happen to President Lincoln in a theatre.

   Let me ruin your favorite song by playing 15 times a day, 7 days a week!” – The Radio.

   If your status update contains the words, “I know 99% of you won't repost this,” there is a 99% chance you're an idiot.

   Top ten things men understand about women. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

   I'm on Twitter because my family is on Facebook.

   Beers should come with a "May reverse bros before hoes" warning.

   My I.Q. goes from 125 to about 14 when there's a hot girl around.

   Describing yourself as a "morning person" translates to me that you are a fu$king as$hole.

   It's amazing how alcohol can make you do so many stupid things on your smart phone.