Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why is it so hard to find a soothsayer in this day and age?!

   its come to my attention its been sometime since many of you have brought the noise/and or funk

   (last one I promise) - LaBron James will publish his autobiography as soon as he can come up with a TITLE

   My girlfriend had auto correct long before iPhone.

   My girl says I'm too nosey... at least, that's what she wrote in her diary.

   Attention jobless people on Facebook....You are no longer allowed to mention "Hump Day", "TGIF" or "Can't wait for the weekend!" or anything else that implies you have to work then have days off to relax.

   Responsible. Who wants to be responsible? Whenever anything bad happens, it's always "Who's responsible for this?"

   Doesn't feel bad for Hugh Hefner one bit and never will.

   Really listened to "Freebird" last night. The guy is a bird you can't change. He's an unchangeable bird. And there's a guitar solo. Classic.

   If you refuse to argue, you automatically win the argument.

   I would have emailed sooner, but my cat ate my mouse.

   A smile is like tight underwear…it makes your cheeks go up.

   I need to either get a new air conditioner or move into my refrigerator.

   I'll give Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries two Months at the most ...you can't turn a hoe into a house wife .

   Dear Google,Please Dont tempt me to watch the lunar eclipse online ... My Stars are against it :|

   I felt special… until I saw you talk to every other guy like that.

   Wow, I just heard Lady GaGa has hired people to find the remains of Bin Laden, she needs somthing to wear in her next video

   It's what people don't know about each other that makes them such good friends.

   Commitment doesn't scare me, the thought of committing to the wrong person does.

   Every time I see these college/university commercials on TV, the my brain just keeps screaming (SCAM!, SCAM!, SCAM!, SCAAAAAAM!)