Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dear Best Buy truck driver , thanks for the fresh load of fertilizer in my shorts . Next time look both ways before pulling out .

   spent 2 years in Siberian prison, only to find out it closed after the first month of being there...

   Irony Definition: Ryan Dunn dying from that same thing that made him famous.

   They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.

   RT @ebertchicago Friends don't let jackasses drink and drive

   Marilyn Manson had a Sex-Change Operation and people now call him Lady GaGa

   a little upset that someone from Jackass went and died off camera.

   Jimi Hendrix God of Guitar \m/

   You guys do realize you are all mourning someone famous for shoving hot wheels up their ass right?.. OK just checking.

   morning radio shows exist to read the internet to old folks.

   Perfect example of living life to the fullest kids...... RIP Ryan Dunn, jackass.

   RIP Ryan Dunn. I'd like to think you entered the afterlife being slingshot in a wheelbarrow.

   Dear Children, When you look in your closet, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.

   The Windows Update reminder to restart your computer is like a little kid. You tell it that you'll restart later, so it goes away, then it pops up again in two minutes and says "Ok, it's later!"

   Well... this work isn't going to stare at itself...

   You'd be surprised at all of the "that's what she said" jokes you can make if you watch 5 minutes of a little kids show.

   If you ever think your invention idea is stupid and won't make money, simply remember how many people bought a Snuggie.

   R.I.P Ryan Dunn you will forever be remembered, as the guy who stuck a hot wheels up his ass on jackass

   Just reminding everyone that it's Monday, just in case any of you were feeling overly optimistic.

   wondering if its ok to change the name of the event "naming ceremony" of a child to a "Product Launch"