Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4825 of 6382
If you can go the entire car ride without eating some of your french fries, you're obviously some type of sorcerer.
When society collapses, who do I talk to about being killed last?
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06-05-2011 16:39
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What if we CAN breathe in space and they just don't want us to escape?
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06-05-2011 15:40
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I went for a self-defence class last night. The instructor said, "I want you to take me by surprise and attack me" So when I saw him in Sainsburys the next day I threw a tin of beans at his head.
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06-05-2011 15:25 by @clarkysj
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If I had a nickel for every time someone said I'm bad at math, I'd have 47 cents.
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06-05-2011 15:20 by seddy90
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Taco bell always makes me wonder, who ate this burrito before I did.
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06-05-2011 15:14
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quit telling me how addictive the things I ingest are...you know what else is addictive?!!?! EFFIN FOOD..if you stop eating you will have withdraws too!! FREAKS!!
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06-05-2011 14:54
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How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams!
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06-05-2011 14:50 by BRian
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I went outside once.... The graphics were alright, but the gameplay sucked
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06-05-2011 14:28
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maybe jfraze should read the homepage that sais statuses for facebook...just sayin....Love not anger..
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06-05-2011 14:08
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i think i'd have to be pretty hammered to see Thor
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06-05-2011 13:47 by levon
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Today's excuse for drinking beer: "I wanted some beer."
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06-05-2011 13:23
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i wish there was a friend, who could help me as much, as music does
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06-05-2011 13:09 by BreAsia
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I liked The Hangover II more the first time I saw it. When it was called The Hangover.
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06-05-2011 12:41
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Was going to complain about the people downstairs having loud s*x, but they finished before I could type this status, I think premature ejaculation is probably punishment enough
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06-05-2011 12:26
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That awkward moment when you and the girl you just met ran out of things to talk.
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06-05-2011 11:43
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BAD DAY I feel like Kylie Minogue - but without the fame, talent or charisma. OMG! I'm Danni Minogue!!
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06-05-2011 11:09
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I dream in High Definition.
I'm so hungry I could eat the A$$ end out of a rag doll.
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06-05-2011 10:30
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If you don't like my tweets then don't follow me. And if you don't like losing then don't follow Lakers.
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06-05-2011 09:35
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