Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon This Tequila tastes like future bad decisions.
←Rate | 06-25-2011 11:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon And I was like "No, Coke is NOT ok. I wanted a Pepsi." And she was all "Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies."
←Rate | 06-25-2011 11:53 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon A rice cake is a good way to tell your taste buds to go to hell.
←Rate | 06-25-2011 11:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chicken Pot Pie my 3 favorite things!
←Rate | 06-25-2011 11:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a lot.
←Rate | 06-25-2011 11:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just filled up my gas tank and now I have to explain to the kids I don't have why there won't be a Christmas this year.
←Rate | 06-25-2011 11:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't always delete people from facebook, but when I do, I prefer they constantly try to re-friend me and poke me. Stay desperate my ex-friends
←Rate | 06-25-2011 11:37 by ptv Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone gave me a CD rack yesterday, which would have been an awesome gift if this was 1994.
←Rate | 06-25-2011 11:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think facebook must put an option that requires a person to get permission first before tagging anyone in pics and notes..
←Rate | 06-25-2011 11:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chicken pot pie sounds like such a good idea...if you add commas.
←Rate | 06-25-2011 11:31 by BHams Comments (0)  


   messageicon When your wife is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?”... don't answer.
←Rate | 06-25-2011 11:25 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says "screw work, and screw personal hygiene" quite like last night's bar stamp on my hand.
←Rate | 06-25-2011 11:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone talks about finding the one that makes their heart skip a beat. Personally, I'm not looking to develop a heart problem.
←Rate | 06-25-2011 11:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon whenever someone annoying starts talking to me, I immediately start looking for an "X" I can click on them to make them go away.
←Rate | 06-25-2011 11:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gotta keep things interesting. I can turn doing laundry into a scene from an Indiana Jones movie.
←Rate | 06-25-2011 11:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are tons of open seats, so why does the one next to me always look so inviting to really weird people?
←Rate | 06-25-2011 11:13 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to change my name on facebook to 'NOBODY' so that anytime I see any boring status I will 'LIKE' it. It'll say 'NOBODY LIKES THIS'
←Rate | 06-25-2011 10:18 by annoyed Comments (0)  


   messageicon I guess I'll pick up my dog's poop this time since you're having a yardsale and all.
←Rate | 06-25-2011 09:25 by Bobo the Chimp Comments (0)  


   messageicon the best sort of perfection in life, funnily enough, comes in the form of imperfection!
←Rate | 06-25-2011 09:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Okay, technology is getting out of hand for me. I was looking through a pair binochulars this morning and when I finished I looked for the button to turn them off.
←Rate | 06-25-2011 09:09 by K-Mac Comments (0)  




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