Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself

   Face it, skinny jeans are NOT for everyone.... if you think this message is about you, it probably is

   Man who sinks into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink.

   •Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

   I've never gone to bed with an ugly woman......... but I sure woke up with a few

   The time you REALLY wish you had a video camera is when somebody says, "Hold my beer and watch this".

   Inflation and Financial crisis have become so critical and serious nowadays that majority of the men have started loving their own wife.

   Rsvp to friends Event that I wasent invited to Yes facebook I would love to be creepy. Facebook makeing us creepy one Event at a time

   Its not that I am rude or anything, but what do you expect when you ask me dumbass questions?

   I can't believe someone actually went through all the trouble to create a fake Facebook profile, complete with fake photos, fake friends and fake status updates just so they could befriend and stalk me. I don't know whether to feel honored or terrifie

   No matter how many times I watch Transformers, I always want Megan Fox to survive.

   MEN are like BLUETOOTH. When they are with You, they are connected. When they are not with you, they are searching for other devices to connect to.

   what's with women who include their kids in their photo albums for online dating profile? What message are you trying to send? 2 for the price of one?

   If I die young: Put me down as courteous enough not to overstay my welcome.

   Wondering how many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didnt hear what they said?

   Don't know if anyone heard about this, but Pope Benedict XVI now has a Twitter account. No surprise his first tweet said "Praise our Lord Jesus Christ." Kinda weird that he added the "lol..."

   BREAKING NEWS!! The Pity Train has just derailed at the intersection of Suck It Up & Move On, and crashed into We All Have Problems, before coming to a complete stop at Get Over It. Any complaints about how we operate, can be forwarded to 1-800-waa-wah wi

   I know what love is..Thats like someone who doesn't love you back is like hugging a damn cactus. The tighter you hold on, the more it hurts.

   Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper's butt?...bet you're wondering now.

   I hate when people say like, "I gotta get my body right for this summer like exercises and tan." ok fine...like, wtf are you going to do about your damn face???