Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4800 of 6446

eating bacon with Mohammed.
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07-03-2011 14:50 by Gman
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Succubus (noun): is a female demon which comes to men, especially bachelors, in their dreams to seduce them and have sexual intercourse with them, drawing energy from the men to sustain itself, often until the point of exhaustion or death. This legend was
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07-03-2011 13:40
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No no no .... They're not "Used Cars" anymore, they're "Pre-owned" I suggest "Divorce" be changed to "Pre-F*%ked"
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07-03-2011 13:30
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A*s....its the theme of the day! I feel like it, look like it, hopefully don't smell like it and probably am one!
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07-03-2011 12:42 by CJ
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Nothing says your celebrating the birth of our Nation, like the smell of Gunpowder and Beer..
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07-03-2011 12:20 by Wolf
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If you don't wake up, eat & then go back to sleep, you're doing Sunday wrong.

she may be from Kentucky but she is still one hell of a throat yodleler...
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07-03-2011 11:56
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Pain is nature's way of saying, "Don't do that." Painkillers are mankind's way of saying, "Just watch me."
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07-03-2011 11:34 by Aaron
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They're not "Used Cars" anymore, they're "Pre-owned" I suggest "Divorce" be changed to "Pre-Loved"
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07-03-2011 11:23 by Bruce
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Apparently if you have my good looks and go to a nude beach everyone gets jealous and they make you put your clothing back on.
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07-03-2011 11:17 by ff1241
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Getting some cans of gas to make this years homemade fireworks show more entertaining.
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07-03-2011 11:16 by ff1241
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Just like a baby I like to drink my dinner from a bottle.
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07-03-2011 11:16 by ff1241
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Q: What do you have when Hillary Clinton is at the beach buried up to her neck in sand? A: Not enough sand.
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07-03-2011 10:39
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There are no automatic doors. Just gentlemen ninjas.
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07-03-2011 10:06
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If you look at life like a piano where the white keys represent happiness & the black keys represent sadness. As life goes on you realize the black keys make music too...d;^)
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07-03-2011 09:53 by Mcarn
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You know you drank too much last night when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator.
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07-03-2011 09:39 by Tammy A F
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Hear about Sarah Palin and Michelle Obama posing nude for magazines lately? Yeah Sarah Palin was seen in playboy and Michelle Obama was discovered in National Geographics!!
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07-03-2011 08:39
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My wife told me " it would be nice if you loaded the dishwasher once in a while after we eat." So after dinner tonight I'm going to buy her a 5th of jack.
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07-03-2011 06:11 by Dopey420
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Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left now turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
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07-03-2011 05:14
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You are proudly invited to my BBQ party on the 4th where a large gathering of people will proudly display their dependance of alcohol on independence day!
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07-03-2011 04:26
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