Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Hey elderly people, nobody takes you seriously until you've put tennis balls on your walker.
←Rate | 07-04-2011 01:00 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Delete or block some friends!" The new way to "Quit Facebook Addiction". Ridiculous!
←Rate | 07-04-2011 00:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alcohol, explosives, rednecks, and cops.......hmmm anyone else feeling a country song coming on???
←Rate | 07-04-2011 00:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I'm not mistaken, I believe my 6 year-old just tried to choke me by using the Force.
←Rate | 07-03-2011 23:40 by rican4real Comments (0)  


   messageicon The prettiest dresses are worn to be taken off
←Rate | 07-03-2011 22:40 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Transparency: The ability to see within another's heart ... all strengths & weaknesses ... and to accept everything unconditionally.
←Rate | 07-03-2011 22:39 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon This is such a beautiful day... now watch some idiot screw it up!
←Rate | 07-03-2011 22:39 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, My girlfriend asked me if I loved Her,..No girl, I only think about you all day, text you whenever I can & Stare at you constently when i'm with you.
←Rate | 07-03-2011 22:37 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many BBQ's do I have to get drunk at to prove I love Australia???
←Rate | 07-03-2011 22:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have to start reading labels, I definitely just covered myself in this girl's shimmering lotion, maybe I thought it said slimming
←Rate | 07-03-2011 22:14 by @youlivnlearn Comments (0)  


   messageicon I complimented this chick on her dress today but what I really meant was, you have an awesome rack.
←Rate | 07-03-2011 21:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep
←Rate | 07-03-2011 21:23 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon tomorrow the Unites States will be 235 years old......In the south it is also the day the following phrase is repeated more than any other, "HOLD MY BEER, WATCH THIS"
←Rate | 07-03-2011 21:06 by vrod_jerry Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're drinking and driving this weekend don't forget to not text much
←Rate | 07-03-2011 20:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone asked me for my email address today, I don't know, I never email myself!!!
←Rate | 07-03-2011 20:04 by onecuwldood Comments (0)  


   messageicon American Patriotism is not defined as the love of our country to the exclusion of all else, it's the love of a country that's great enough to include everything else!
←Rate | 07-03-2011 19:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever have one of those days, when you just want to throw a wet cat at someone's face
←Rate | 07-03-2011 19:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I told my wife the succubus did it, she still slaped me..
←Rate | 07-03-2011 17:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon firing bottle rockets at blue hairs wearing 4th of July Snuggie's!
←Rate | 07-03-2011 16:18 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many BBQ's do I have to get drunk at to prove I love America????
←Rate | 07-03-2011 15:43 Comments (0)  




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