Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The new ending to Harry Potter is lame. He says Abra Cadabra and Steve Miller reaches out and grabs Voldemort.

   Florida, you just want attention don't you? Casey Anthony, Tim Tebow, the election of 2000. Its always about you, isn't it?

   Always be positive! For example: I am positive that I hate Casey Anthony.

   I like to relive my single days when my wife gets home late by eating dinner standing over the sink.

   A fool is a wise man's ladder.

   If you don't define yourself for yourself, you will be crunched into other people's fantasies and abused till kingdom come.

   Canadian bacon is just ham wrapped in a lie

   Excuse me Casey Anthony, but OJ had the best murder trial of all time!!! - Kanye West

   Next up on espn , womans soc... click.

   Whoever wants to kill Casey Anthony, should probably do so in Florida.

   Not So Good Pick-up Line #7: Girl, your dad must be a lobster… because all your meat is in the tail!

   I think I had too much to drink last night because I left the door open the whole time I was peeing. That might not sound bad, but when you're driving 65 mph, it can cause all kinds of problems.

   America has Talent..but a little weak on the selection process for Jurors in Florida

   Casey Anthony tried to celebrate her acquittal last night at Chili's but waiters kept walking by singing, "I want my babyback babyback babyback... I want my babyback babyback babyback..."

   I guess what I'm proudest of is my ability to make the tough choices in hypothetical situations.

   The coffee maker is moving so slow, it's upsetting the space-time continuum.

   A cop tried to pull me over for not having a rear-view mirror, but I didn't see him.

   How can you look at some of the people you see in Wal-Mart and still believe in Intelligent Design?

   the next thing Casey Anthony googles better be "Self Defense"

   The jury was carefully selected based on their beliefs. Primarily, the ir belief that the Sun circles the Earth, and the preferred method of courtship is to bonk a woman over the head with a club then drag her into a cave.