Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why are you tryin so hard to fit in when you are born to stand out

   Love is in the air...and i'm wearing a gas mask.

   You may be worthless to one person, but priceless to another. You just have to be smart enough to differentiate between the two.

   I do my best proofreading right after I hit send

   Casey Anthony turned up missing after being released from jail....Florida police plan on sending officers to investigate it----In 31 days.

   If you don't have a Facebook account, all your high school friends just assume you died.

   When I was a kid, I used to think that the moon followed my car

   Ahhh.. Time for bed. The only time where I don't worry about anything other than total relaxation.. Pffff.. Jk I lay their for 30 mins then masturbate.

   The people who deserve nothing, are handed everything.

   If Miley Cyrus trips and falls, is it considered a hoedown?

   Everyone has the capacity to learn from their mistakes. I learned a lot today.

   All you need is a sick mind and a healthy body.

   I don't know if I'm a player. Ask one of my girlfriends.

   Owning a Blackberry is saying that you can afford a nice cell phone, but not quite wealthy enough for an Android/smart phone.

   A man hit my fender the other day and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful and multiply.' But not in those words.

   Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help

   Panties aren't a mans best friend, but they are next to it.

   If you're not the lead dog, the scenery never changes!

   I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I'm not a shopaholic.

   Dear Facebook.. A new sidebar chat?? seriously?? if I wanna chat I use msn.. if I wanna video chat I use skype.. so STOP IT ALREADY!!!!!!