Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I've recently come to realize that pajamas with pockets is the greatest invention EVER! They make it SOOO much easier to hide the stuff I steal when I visit my local Wal-Mart store...
←Rate | 07-24-2011 19:16 by Troy Wilburn Comments (0)  


   messageicon ....where are all the cabbage patch parents?
←Rate | 07-24-2011 17:36 by Mahdi H Comments (1)  


   messageicon You know what I've noticed? I've never seen a pregnant Chinese lady. O_o
←Rate | 07-24-2011 17:31 by ShesinMyPants Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sick of girls saying all guys are the same we aren't they just always go for the same kinda guy.......
←Rate | 07-24-2011 16:26 by L Comments (0)  


   messageicon A little slower please, pedestrian crossing the street. I don't really like making the green light anyway.
←Rate | 07-24-2011 16:23 by L Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do I turn left where nothing is right? Or do I turn right where nothing is left?..
←Rate | 07-24-2011 16:16 by L Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife's filthy habbits disgust me, just yesterday I went to piss in the sink and it was still full of dirty dishes.
←Rate | 07-24-2011 16:15 by Brafty Crastard Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the angels ask what I loved most about life, I'll say you.
←Rate | 07-24-2011 15:33 by L Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is like soup, only the hot ones get blown.
←Rate | 07-24-2011 15:29 by Brafty Crastard Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just scratched 2+2=5 on the back bumper of a smart car.
←Rate | 07-24-2011 15:25 by Brafty Crastard Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am finding all the RIP's for a drug addicted Amy Winehouse and none for the 95 innocent people killed in the massacre that happened in Norway rather ironic....... RIP for those who died innocently!!
←Rate | 07-24-2011 14:21 by kishen alex raj Comments (0)  


   messageicon why can't the WNBA have a lockout?
←Rate | 07-24-2011 14:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I hear the dirty word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
←Rate | 07-24-2011 13:16 by @YourBFcloset Comments (0)  


   messageicon friends are like potatos,if you eat them they die
←Rate | 07-24-2011 13:12 by lauren Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I see a Mattress on top of a car, I wonder to myself if its a prostitute makin house calls
←Rate | 07-24-2011 12:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The hardest part about going to Hypochondriacs Anonymous is admitting that you don't have a problem...
←Rate | 07-24-2011 12:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I attended my 35 year rerunion last night. I didn't walk into the ladies room, spill a drink on anyone, walk into a wall, or offer my lap to a stranger. I'm really starting to grow up ..... and its a little sad.
←Rate | 07-24-2011 11:49 by BobW Comments (0)  


   messageicon Elton John will perform at Amy Winehouse's funeral with a beautiful rendition of Candle Under The Spoon
←Rate | 07-24-2011 11:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you judge someone, it doesn't define who they are, it define who you are.
←Rate | 07-24-2011 11:25 by L Comments (0)  


   messageicon Single is not a status. It is a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others
←Rate | 07-24-2011 11:21 by L Comments (0)  




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