Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Maybe this 30 days of 100° weather is the change Obama was talking about.

   Todays my Grandmas birthday, but she doesnt have a cell phone for me to text or a facebook wall for me to write on, what do I do?

   If Voldemort is such a powerful wizard, why can't he conjure up a new nose?

   Sometime In this life we get to the point when "Doing right is wrong and doing wrong is right"

   Im so happy Facebook wasnt around when I was in high school.

   Even though I said I dont care about you I still check your facebook every once in a while, just to see how youre doing.

   I only have a Facebook to see where everyone is at, so I can avoid running into them.

   I think Its funny that my dad has figured out how to tag me in pics he upload to Facebook but the clock on his VCR has been wrong since 1987

   I admit youre funny on facebook.... But I will never talk to you in real life. EVER!

   Facebook:........-Log on -Check notifications -Poke everyone back -Go on homepage -Do the happy birthday ritual -Go back to homepage -Change from Top news to Most recent -Have a little scroll down -Like a couple of pages -Youre damn bored already...

   LIKE if you hate when someone tags you in a horrible picture.

   I'm texting random phone numbers with "I just saw your Facebook Status. LOL"!

   Alright ladies that b!tch and moan about men all the time....Either find a girlfriend or STFU and join in the game!! You're either with us or against us!!

   relationship without trust is like a car without gas. you can stay in it as long as you want but it won't go anywhere

   apparently people dont like it when I tell the truth.... well honestly IDGAF!! :)

   if they started putting missing childrens pis on beer cans instead of milk cartons, they'd be found within 15 mins..

   I just want to see one serial killer yell "you're on Scare Tactics!" then finish the job!

   Sex is like air, it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

   something about a "BOEhner reBUTTal" just doesn't sound right.

   The NFL lockout is over!! Great timing, since women's soccer is now over. I can never decide which to watch!