SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Wearing a Santa hat is a great way let people know you're a wild card.

   What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?

   I'm having one of those "can't get my inflatable Santa-in-a-helicopter to stick to the roof of my inflatable manger" mornings.

   Welcome to the SATs - your score today may determine which College Loan you'll be paying well into your 40s. Let's begin.

   Just bought a Ken doll. I don't know what everyone's talking about, you can't read books on this thing.

   My grandfather was a wise man, which is probably why every Christmas he only gave me Myrrh.

   Is there a High Council of Nazi Elders? To whom do we report these bathroom graffiti artists who are drawing their swastikas backwards?

   I just made eye contact with a guy in a turtleneck and now I like Coldplay.

   If bad decisions were flavored, they'd taste like tequila.

   I don't speak Italian, but Pinot Grigio means "slut fuel," right?

   I'll stop making excuses when other people start taking responsibility for my actions.

   I say we consolidate all ska bands into one giant ska band, unless that's what happened already.

   I'd like to put a big red bow on the coffin of the guy who came up with those Lexus ads.

   It's Britney Spears birthday. She's 30. That's about 57 in trailer park years.

   One could make a reasonable argument that the tot is the best part of the tater.

   When your hands are tied, backs against the wall & swept off your feet all at once it clearly means you're a hostage.

   Michael Imperioli is really pissed off about tequila.

   I confess that for years I thought 'Ass-less Chaps' referred to skinny British Guys.

   I made fun of a pale lady with red hair today and I finally saw a real ginger snap.

   We installed a Cain Train around the base of our Christmas tree, but it keeps stopping to hit on the Sugar Plum Fairy ornament.