life Funny Status Messages

   I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.

   I miss the life I planned in my head.

   judging by the adds google has picked out for me I live a pretty crazy *ucking life

   I'd get a life, but it might get in the way of me reaching my potential on the internet.

   Life Tip: Get a birthday card with anything you are embarrassed to buy.

   new rule....everyone given a "life sentence" by a judge has to start racing NASCAR.....one of them will die fast

   I'll be your life coach. Stand up straight. Don't ever wear that in public. Speak properly. That will be 800 dollars. Cash.

   Life is like a $h!t sandwich. The more bread you have the less $h!t you have to eat.

   I think the scientific term for life is, "that's some bullsh*t."

   iPhone users update:- I'll screenshot it, I'll tweet about it, I'll Instagram it, I'll write a blog about it, I'll delete half of my contents for it, I'll get enraged about it.Android users update:- *clicks update, gets on with life*

   Once in a while, someone amazing will come into your life. And here I am!

   Wanna hear a joke? Your love life.

   I live my life with no regrets. I apologize for nothing. I'm sorry but that's just the way it is!"

   There comes a point in everybody's life when they feel forgotten by someone they'll never forget.

   If you think your life is bad, just remember that Stevie Wonder will never ever see Jennifer Lawrence's leaked nudes.

   I have never in my life seen a Tattoo and said "wow, that looks classy" All a tattoo is, is a "LOOK AT ME" statement

   If I'm ever on life support and just being kept alive machines, please unplug me and plug me back in. Basically, reboot my body.

   Fear does not prevent death. It prevents life

   Did the math. Facebook is worth $100 billion and with 800 million users that puts the value of a life at $12.50. Never pay a hitman more.

   I just passed the local college andsaw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college in all of my life.