Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If she's in love with Justin Beiner, she's too young for you bro!

   would like to point out that playing violent video games never did me any harm (not so sure about those people buried under the deck, though)

   I'm so exhausted from work that I actually tried to use "The Force" to get the remote to come to me. When it didn't work I used the old Jedi Mind Trick sayin "These arent the droids your looking for give me the remote". My son did while rollin his eyes.

   When all else fails, just slap yourself in the face.

   The most powerful microscope can see the diameter of a hydrogen atom. If you look through that you still couldn't see how little I care about your drama

   I think those who are leading our nation should wear shock collars!

   Ironman is a super hero. Iron woman is a command.

   Rick Perry should start campaigning in one of those giant foam cowboy hats.

   I don't know why I should learn Algebra. I'm never likely to go there.

   I chose not to drive the Lambo today.... because I don't own one

   Whenever I see a really hot girl I know is out of my league, I just console myself by thinking to myself 'Some guy somewhere is probably tired of her sh*t'

   Officer, I'm not Fred Flintstone, I didn't "run" a red light, I drove through it.

   You cannot taste me, until you undress me. Sincerely, banana

   Guy's Remember : While You're Sitting There All Day Playing Call Of Duty , Your Girl Is Calling Someone Else To Come And Do Your Duty .

   noticed it's very difficult these days to find something on television that doesn't have to do with cake! :/

   I throw Justin Bieber at the wall sometimes, saying AYO...I missed the window...

   Why cant Govts, like husbands and boyfriends, simply say sorry and defuse a crisis before it goes out of hand???

   The reason women ask so many questions is because they have an extra why chromosome.................

   Maybe Congress should try a Bake Sale.

   If someone says "I love you," and you don't feel the same way, say "I love Youtube" really fast.