Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   All my job prospects sounded a lot more exciting when I was seven.

   I have learned one thing since joining Facebook... I'm not nearly as messed up as I thought I was.

   If they would have had Facebook when I was in college, I would still be in college.

   It's sad this past week's earthquake is the most movement we have seen coming from Congress in sometime now.

   It's not that I hate mornings. It's just that I'd wish they'd happen without me.

   I absolutely HATE when people put song lyrics as their status! It makes me wanna SHOUT! Kick my heels back and SHOUT! Throw my arms up and SHOUT! Throw my head back and SHOUT!

   I am very much an acquired taste. If you don't like me, I suggest you acquire some taste.

   Beer goggles are a myth. Alcohol doesn't make ugly girls look prettier. It just makes you not care that they are ugly.

   Philadelphia is out of batteries. Not sure if its cause of the hurricane or cause football season is about to start

   awake and alive __ and the coffee is at its Sunday best; I love these moments :)

   Listening to some gospel music by Eminem. Amen to that !!! Epic

   You have to realize women love challenges. They always want what they can't have.

   Great teamwork in a relationship is when a woman brings more than her looks to the table and a man brings more than a stiff d*ck.

   There is nothing wrong with saying no every once in awhile. It may piss a few people off but at least you will have some piece of mind!

   She is not a slut, she just needs to work on her "saying no" skills.

   UPDATE: As Hurricane Irene prepares to batter the East Coast, federal disaster officials have warned that Internet outages could force people to interact with other people for the first time in years.remember an interaction is just like a series of fb upd

   In a healthy relationship, ladies swallow what's on the menu and guys lick the plate clean.

   The only thing worse than repeating the same mistake, is repeating them with the same person

   They don't miss you when you're gone . . they miss you when you move on

   Can you hear those footsteps running behind you? That's not me running after you, that's karma catching up to you.