Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 462 of 6383
I'm not gonna wear uggs or crocs or any other shoe that sounds like a noise my body makes involuntarily.
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02-18-2020 09:14
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billie eilish, carly rae jepsen, and miley cyrus should form a pop group called billie rae cyrus
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02-18-2020 09:11
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When I was at the Dollar Store, I saw this cat food called “Alley Cat” and all I could think was with a name like that why not save yourself a buck and just feed your cat out of the trashcan?
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02-18-2020 06:25
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There are 3 certainties in life -death -taxes -anxiety anytime someone asks me what I’ve been up to
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02-18-2020 06:24
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I tried on and bought two pairs of jeans today without testing my phone in the back pocket. I don’t even know who I am anymore.
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02-18-2020 06:23
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I’m 39, If you invite me to a party that only starts after 10pm, I’m not even going to pretend I’ll make it.
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02-17-2020 16:14
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Our neighborhood watch is just dogs barking warnings every time they see a squirrel.
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02-17-2020 16:13
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My bucket list. 1. Buy bucket.
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02-17-2020 16:02
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Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
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02-17-2020 16:01
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Hubs and I have fought so much lately I've lost 10 lbs. I thought about leaving him, but I'd like to lose another 10 lbs first.
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02-17-2020 16:00
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In Scotland, it's illegal to be drunk and in possession of a cow. I just want to know how many times this happened before the government had to put their foot down.
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02-17-2020 15:33
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Just remember when the conversation gets shorter with you, it’s getting longer with someone else.
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02-17-2020 15:17
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What came first the chicken or the egg all depends on whether or not I'm having breakfast or dinner.
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02-17-2020 11:29 by Moon
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If someone makes meat based vegetables, I'm in!
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02-17-2020 10:56
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Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.
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02-17-2020 08:54
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I've resigned myself to the fact that if I start now, I'll have all my Christmas lights untangled and ready to go by December 24th.
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02-17-2020 08:01 by Fazzy
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Look. I sent you a friend request because you're hot. Not because I wanna buy your CBD oil.
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02-17-2020 06:38
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Chalkboards are a remarkable invention.
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02-16-2020 20:35 by Moon
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: It’s so unfair how the houses on HGTV get remodeled in 30-60 minutes, but my house is taking 2-3 months.
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02-16-2020 19:50
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Tampax is the newest sponsor of NASCAR. If you're looking for tickets to the Tampon 500, I could pull some strings!
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02-16-2020 19:45
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