Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.

   For the first time since 1945, the Scripps National Spelling Bee has been cancul... cancill... cansi... called off.

   "Alloweth me, I shan't be damned To probe around your lovely clam." - Spongebob Shakespeare

   Wats d difference between Las Vegas n Wuhan..wat happens in Vegas stays in Vegas

   No mask on your face, you big disgrace, spreading your germs all over the place. Freddie Mercury,

   Arguing on social media never changes anyones minds. Change my mind

   That moment when you're tired and sleepy, and you drag yourself to bed but then your brain says, "Ha ha, just kidding!" I hate that.

   I've got no status update right now. But thanks for taking the time out to read this status update about not having a status update!

   Just when I'm happy to be alive, The Connors comes on.

   Just when I'm feeling proud to be an American, The Connors comes on.

   My fiancee keeps asking, "Are you even listening to me?" Which is a really strange way to start a conversation

   Bars are opening but patrons are wearing masks. It is the era for ugly people with nice bodies to get laid.

   What's up with Chicanos putting cheese on apple pie? Asking for a gringo. 🥧

   If we continue wearing these masks for another year kids will start to think that a nose is a private part

   It rained here in Arizona today, but it was a dry rain.😛

   Someone told me they never understood the concept of cloning, I replied "That makes two of us"

   I love reading books that are based on real events but spiced up with a little fiction to keep your interest, kinda like people's Facebook posts.

   An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure so wear a mask. Benjamin Franklin,

   Worried about social distancing when you're out? Dress up as a clown and make it other people's problem

   I can't get a break. I bought a can of evaporated milk, opened it up...it was full.