Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4605 of 6446

A creepy clown? A robber wearing a cape? A purple gluttonous blob? If you think about it, the McDonald's mascots are horrifying.

I went to fill out an application/job interview today. When I got to: "position applying for"........... I wrote "yours" followed by a " ;-) " and a "LOL." I think I NAILED it!!

Life, Karma and Payback walk into a bar. BlTCH NIGHT OUT!

My neighbor let me borrow his car on one condition, that I treat it like I would my own. So I guess I get to fill the floor board with fast food bags and keep it until it gets repoed!
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09-02-2011 21:07
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I'm gonna build a fort under my desk. I checked the employee handbook and there's nothing in there saying I can't..

ok Doc, give up... your not funny.
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09-02-2011 19:00
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How the hell did Charles Manson get like 16 people to murder for him? I can't even convince a girl to sleep with me.
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09-02-2011 18:59
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I'm laying on my Girlfriends yoga mat making up fake poses to fit my current activity level. Right now I'm in "downward facing chalk outline" pose.

I don't get why people drive old cop cars! Damn it, I had to chug that beer quickly..oh well I'll just open another.
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09-02-2011 17:45
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if you text me "lol", I will reply "prove it"
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09-02-2011 17:30 by gee
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I can't wait for the Columbine themed episode of Glee.
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09-02-2011 17:19
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If you're attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler!

Sometimes I call Domino's Pizza and order a pie. I ask them to repeat the order, then I say, "Okay, that'll be $10.99...please pull up to the first window."

Sometimes if I get scared at night..I just tell myself there are no such things as ghost only clumsy ninjas....

You would think old people would drive a lil faster...I mean its not like they have alot of time to waste..Right?

My version of the hokey pokey doesn't include a lot of hokey.

Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed

I bet if you added them up Cher has had more surgeries than Chaz.

***NEWSFLASH*** Tell ALL your female friends that I can get 100 tampons for $1.00... No Strings attached...but for a limited period ONLY!...A bloody good deal!
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09-02-2011 15:47 by MTQ
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Daughter: iPod.... Son: iPhone.......Mom: iPad.......Dad: iPay
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09-02-2011 13:56
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