Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon A creepy clown? A robber wearing a cape? A purple gluttonous blob? If you think about it, the McDonald's mascots are horrifying.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 21:25 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to fill out an application/job interview today. When I got to: "position applying for"........... I wrote "yours" followed by a " ;-) " and a "LOL." I think I NAILED it!!
←Rate | 09-02-2011 21:13 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life, Karma and Payback walk into a bar. BlTCH NIGHT OUT!
←Rate | 09-02-2011 21:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My neighbor let me borrow his car on one condition, that I treat it like I would my own. So I guess I get to fill the floor board with fast food bags and keep it until it gets repoed!
←Rate | 09-02-2011 21:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm gonna build a fort under my desk. I checked the employee handbook and there's nothing in there saying I can't..
←Rate | 09-02-2011 21:05 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon ok Doc, give up... your not funny.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 19:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How the hell did Charles Manson get like 16 people to murder for him? I can't even convince a girl to sleep with me.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 18:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm laying on my Girlfriends yoga mat making up fake poses to fit my current activity level. Right now I'm in "downward facing chalk outline" pose.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 18:51 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't get why people drive old cop cars! Damn it, I had to chug that beer quickly..oh well I'll just open another.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 17:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you text me "lol", I will reply "prove it"
←Rate | 09-02-2011 17:30 by gee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't wait for the Columbine themed episode of Glee.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 17:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler!
←Rate | 09-02-2011 17:17 by onecuwldood Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I call Domino's Pizza and order a pie. I ask them to repeat the order, then I say, "Okay, that'll be $10.99...please pull up to the first window."
←Rate | 09-02-2011 17:12 by AnnaMariaPastaFazoola Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes if I get scared at night..I just tell myself there are no such things as ghost only clumsy ninjas....
←Rate | 09-02-2011 17:08 by bryan j brown Comments (0)  


   messageicon You would think old people would drive a lil faster...I mean its not like they have alot of time to waste..Right?
←Rate | 09-02-2011 17:08 by bryan j brown Comments (0)  


   messageicon My version of the hokey pokey doesn't include a lot of hokey.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 16:45 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed
←Rate | 09-02-2011 16:44 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet if you added them up Cher has had more surgeries than Chaz.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 16:41 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon ***NEWSFLASH*** Tell ALL your female friends that I can get 100 tampons for $1.00... No Strings attached...but for a limited period ONLY!...A bloody good deal!
←Rate | 09-02-2011 15:47 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Daughter: iPod.... Son: iPhone.......Mom: iPad.......Dad: iPay
←Rate | 09-02-2011 13:56 Comments (0)  




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