Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4595 of 6438

Thinks there was more white trash at the Toby Keith concert than in the dumpster behind a paper plate factory
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09-03-2011 21:08
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Here, put these floaties on your ankles ...
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09-03-2011 20:56 by JCGJ
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nailing Jello to a tree isn't hard. Freeze it. Adapt and overcome.
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09-03-2011 20:33
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Hell no I don't use a Loofah in the shower....I use a Man-Sponge!!...There's a difference lol

Dear Jäger I think we need to stop seeing each other...."Maybe we have too much in common. We are too much alike." If the phone doesn't ring, it's probably me....

Dear Colonel Gaddafi: If you are going to use human shields to protect yourself from rebel attacks....May I suggest using Snookie, Justin Bieber, Casey Anthony and the Octomom

everybody hates it when their job blows...but love it the other way round.
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09-03-2011 19:04
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Just left Disney resort to Orlando airport on the Disney's magical express.. Yeah right the magic here is the break I will have on my mastercard
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09-03-2011 18:53 by Reinreb
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I swear everytime I hear the new tempur pedic commercial all I can think of is "ask me about my weiner" from Accepted!!!
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09-03-2011 17:27
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09-03-2011 16:12
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Baboons: They are the loudest, most obnoxious, most vicious and least intelligent of all the primates. What is a group of baboons called? A CONGRESS.
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09-03-2011 16:04
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I keep seeing these commercials for Coors beer with the cans that have these blue bars on them that tell you when they are cold. Back in my drinking days, I just felt the can. Are people really that stupid these days?
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09-03-2011 15:47 by K-Mac
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I tell my kids that when the ice cream man is playing music, he is out of ice cream.
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09-03-2011 15:25
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I hate when someone tags me at the donut shop and I am supposed to be running
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09-03-2011 15:24
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Don't say forever if what you mean is for a few weeks.
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09-03-2011 14:54
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It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything. -Tyler Durden
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09-03-2011 14:27
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I know I love you because I fight most with the people I love – is the biggest bullsh*t ever.
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09-03-2011 14:27
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Waiting for you to find me hiding in the closet so you can pee yourself when I jump out screaming
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09-03-2011 13:39
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you ever had a girl that was so easy that you felt guilty afterwards?
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09-03-2011 12:26
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People always look for that one flaw or mistake to bring you down and ignore all the good you have ever done.
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09-03-2011 12:02
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