Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Don't ever break a pinkie promise. That stuff is legit and legally binding.

   There are two types of people I hate in this world: Nosey people AND people who won't tell me what the hell is going on in their lives.

   I hate it when I have to smile at all the old people I come across just to reassure them that I am not a teenage thug up to no good.

   Love is Love and Sex is Sex. You don't need to be in love to have sex but you need good sex to stay in love. Some people's sex will make you fall in love.

   thankful for my mistakes for they have been my greatest teachers... Happy Teacher's Day.!!

   There's no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.

   How do you tell a girl you like her? Break into her house and write it on the walls in your own blood. Like any normal person would.

   Happiness is an attitude, not a task. Stress is a choice, not an option.

   Tell me then, does love make one a fool or do only fools fall in love?

   waiting for the spider to realize that the magazine she balled up isn't for reading. Oh wait, it just did..

   It's Labor Day weekend and I am still deep in LABOR.......

   I'm 16 weeks and I'm craving for a facebook game for Men to Confuse the Ladies!!!!

   my birthday is everyday thats why I don't do nothing special on my birthday.....its just another day.

   Alright, who else here thinks Combos pretzel snacks look suspiciously like Snausages dog treats?!

   Teacher: You failed the test! Me: You failed to educate me.

   I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

   Replying to a text with "k" not only shows that you're an a**hole, but also shows your a lazy f**k that abbreviates a two letter word.

   Relationships are like math problems. Sometimes you have to take someone out of the equation, put someone else in, and......it's right!

   ■My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update as the search bar.

   Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from a picture that makes her look fat.