Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon When you hear a classic song on TV pimping the Swiffer and you tell your kid you think it's cool, then you are officially a nerdy parent.
←Rate | 09-25-2011 18:23 by Jbabcock Comments (0)  


   messageicon Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its a teabag
←Rate | 09-25-2011 18:21 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook has Peter Principled. It has risen to its own level of incompetence. The cracks are in the foundation. It's doomed. Remember MySpace? Come to think of it. Neither do I.
←Rate | 09-25-2011 18:11 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon People have got to stop saying "LIFE SUCKS"... because my husband is now saying he wished he had a LIFE!
←Rate | 09-25-2011 17:59 by Danielle Comments (0)  


   messageicon guess ima get ahead start and get google+ account because facebook drawlin
←Rate | 09-25-2011 17:57 by natemorales Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope Al Quaeda don't start putting bombs in cans of alphabet soup If one explodes......it could spell disaster.
←Rate | 09-25-2011 17:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh NO , facebook will be charging ... Do you know what , if it gets rid of you retards who re-post that rubbish I think it will be worth it ...
←Rate | 09-25-2011 17:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon FACEBOOK IS GOING TO START CHARGING FOR THEIR SERVICES!!! All money sent should be mailed to my home address.
←Rate | 09-25-2011 17:36 by SteveOH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spread you open slowly Lick you with my tongue Dip you in my milk..... Damn oreos are good!
←Rate | 09-25-2011 16:31 by michelle Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom
←Rate | 09-25-2011 16:26 by booger Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am dark and handsome. When it's dark, I'm handsome.
←Rate | 09-25-2011 16:12 by klik Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife says I'm too nosey... at least, that's what she wrote in her diary.
←Rate | 09-25-2011 16:10 by booger Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saw a guy using a payphone. I can only assume he's being told where to deliver the ransom money
←Rate | 09-25-2011 16:05 by invasion Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who else puts LOL or LMAO or ROFL knowing good and damn well your sitting there with a straight face
←Rate | 09-25-2011 16:00 by booger Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love when you go down on me! you relieve so much stress and tension but when I feel it getting good you go back up.... DAMN GAS PRICES!
←Rate | 09-25-2011 15:48 by michelle Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Monday" like Jerry Seinfeld says "Newman!"
←Rate | 09-25-2011 15:44 by invasion Comments (0)  


   messageicon Brass Monkey - That funky Monkey Brass Monkey - Junkie That funky Monkey. That's funny, right? No? Dang.
←Rate | 09-25-2011 15:39 by Corn Squeezins Comments (0)  


   messageicon If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment? ;)
←Rate | 09-25-2011 15:31 by myshitdontstink Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you're stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate, and sweets. Why? Because STRESSED spelled backwards spells DESSERTS. ;)
←Rate | 09-25-2011 15:29 by booger Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saw the neighbor's little kid trying to put some whipped cream on his pet cat. I'm thinking he overheard something last night he wasn't supposed to
←Rate | 09-25-2011 15:25 by fukdaworld Comments (0)  




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