Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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When you hear a classic song on TV pimping the Swiffer and you tell your kid you think it's cool, then you are officially a nerdy parent.
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09-25-2011 18:23 by Jbabcock
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Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its a teabag

Facebook has Peter Principled. It has risen to its own level of incompetence. The cracks are in the foundation. It's doomed. Remember MySpace? Come to think of it. Neither do I.
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09-25-2011 18:11 by MTQ
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People have got to stop saying "LIFE SUCKS"... because my husband is now saying he wished he had a LIFE!
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09-25-2011 17:59 by Danielle
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guess ima get ahead start and get google+ account because facebook drawlin

I hope Al Quaeda don't start putting bombs in cans of alphabet soup If one explodes......it could spell disaster.
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09-25-2011 17:50
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Oh NO , facebook will be charging ... Do you know what , if it gets rid of you retards who re-post that rubbish I think it will be worth it ...
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09-25-2011 17:38
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FACEBOOK IS GOING TO START CHARGING FOR THEIR SERVICES!!! All money sent should be mailed to my home address.
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09-25-2011 17:36 by SteveOH
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Spread you open slowly Lick you with my tongue Dip you in my milk..... Damn oreos are good!
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09-25-2011 16:31 by michelle
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Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom
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09-25-2011 16:26 by booger
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I am dark and handsome. When it's dark, I'm handsome.
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09-25-2011 16:12 by klik
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My wife says I'm too nosey... at least, that's what she wrote in her diary.
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09-25-2011 16:10 by booger
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Just saw a guy using a payphone. I can only assume he's being told where to deliver the ransom money
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09-25-2011 16:05 by invasion
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Who else puts LOL or LMAO or ROFL knowing good and damn well your sitting there with a straight face
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09-25-2011 16:00 by booger
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I love when you go down on me! you relieve so much stress and tension but when I feel it getting good you go back up.... DAMN GAS PRICES!
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09-25-2011 15:48 by michelle
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"Monday" like Jerry Seinfeld says "Newman!"
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09-25-2011 15:44 by invasion
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Brass Monkey - That funky Monkey Brass Monkey - Junkie That funky Monkey. That's funny, right? No? Dang.

If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment? ;)

When you're stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate, and sweets. Why? Because STRESSED spelled backwards spells DESSERTS. ;)
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09-25-2011 15:29 by booger
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Just saw the neighbor's little kid trying to put some whipped cream on his pet cat. I'm thinking he overheard something last night he wasn't supposed to