Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   EGSG «—- Scrambled eggs.

   I'm A Smart Person….I just do stupid things.

   Woke up and found Facebook sucks even more today then it did yesterday. Good Job !

   Facebook is making it to easy and socially acceptable to stalk people.

   Finally, Facebook gives me what I always wanted, a news feed within my news feed...

   I don't know which changes more often, facebook or a womens personality?

   To all of the guys who have creeped a girl out so much to the point of her never talking to you again, I just have one thing to say to you: Where do I sign up? 

   Pringles. A real chip wasn't good enough. So they smash a potato, add chemicals, add liquid, turn it into a paste, then put it in a mold where it is artificially made to resemble a real chip, but with no flavor. Then put 'em in a tennis ball can

   The problem is not that OBESITY runs in the family.The problem is that NOBODY runs in the family

   The razor selections are starting to get scary. How many do they think they can add? I bet in 5 years there will be a Gillette Guillotine, one swipe and that's all...

   Ever since my roommate got a new uptight, b!tchy girlfriend he's been acting like a real d!ck to everyone. So one night I took his phone, went on his facebook and checked in at a male strip club, then a gay bar, then a wmca. He's single again.DontBeAd!ck

   hates it when I get a chain letter/email and I die the next day.

   Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.

   Where are all these hot women in actual real life that I see on facebook?

   Love doesn't cost a thing... except tears, a broken heart, wasted time, and half ur sh!t.

   Love doesn't cost a thing; except tears, a broken heart, wasted years and half your stuff.

   This new layout has me more confused than a cow on astroturf.

   Dear Facebook, Every time I add a girl you ask me "Do you know her?" Mind your OWN Business!

   Just watched the movie Scarface. I'm not one to judge, but if you use your entire hand to make the line you might have a drug problem.

   Remember back in the day when you would make a collect call and try to yell the info to the other party before you were disconnected?