Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   That moment when you hit the submit button and realize you just misspelled a word you went over 100x's with your 7 yr. olds spelling words.

   Shagged this model who works for Abercrombie & Fitch last night... She was amazing, them new mannequins are so realistic!

   Do you think the employee dicount at a Dollar General Store is,"Here, just Take it."?

   You can't buy love.."That's called prostitution"

   silence produce the best answer to a stupid question..

   what does pink floyd and dale earnhart have in common? their last hit was the wall

   People should understand a smile is not an invitation for a conversation.

   Women are the reason for reasons.

   No offence but, Jesus was an underpaid carpenter before he decided to become a full-time messiah.

   People with little or no education love to argue the most.

   Woke up this morning and turned the T.V. on to find out I now have 3,000,000 channels! I'm not sure who put that satellite on my roof but thanks!

   just bought a toilet brush, gee that thing hurts so I'll just stick with the toilet paper

   That uneasy moment when you realise Facebook has made more CHANGES than OBAMA.

   I'm not into sports, but I'll watch women's beach volleyball if it's on.

   Love is pain, and anyone who says otherwise is trying to sell you something.

   You know your in the south when you can get your fried chicken and gas at the same store...

   I'm so gangster, I don't even send an error report to Microsoft when Internet Explorer unexpectedly quits. Snitches get Stitches.

   She said describe me in one word. I replied, "MINE"

   Does anyone have a good marinade recipe for Spotted Owl?

   Ladies: if you argue with your man naked, you will win every single time.