Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I think greedy people need to be shot on sight with a bazooka full of exploding sh!t.

   just taken a ride in the WAWA hoagie baloon.

   Women are like a box of chocolates... you dont know if they are gonna be good unless you finger them all.

   Just ate some candy corn and am sick of Halloween already.

   My wife said she'd give me a Golden shower if I take her to Golden Corral.

   Two men broke in Whoopi's house, She yelled Rape, They screamed no

   The signs of a good plate of nachos? When you turn your plate 3 or 4 times and have NO idea where to start!!

   make sure you go to peoples funerals, else the ywon't come to yours!

   'like' this and you'll love whats coming up next ;o)

   All the angels in heaven are now playing Smart Harps.

   If jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, WHY THE HELL IS EVERYONE SINGING ABOUT IT!!..

   I hate when I walk through a metal detector and my buns of steel set them off.

   The best part about it being monday is Monday Night FOOTBALL! yeah buddie :)

   I refuse to go bungee jumping... I came into this world because of a broken rubber, I'm not leaving because of one

   the illness is gone but only from the outside ...

   Science Schmience. I think they've got it backwards. Birds don't fly south for the winter, they fly north for the summer. Nyah!

   Steve Jobs was the Apple of our i

   Some people are wise, Some are just other wise.

   #ThatMomentOfPanic when they realized he was really the son of God

   You can go to church and sing a hymn, you can judge me by the color of my skin, you can live a lie until you die, the one thing you can't hide, is when you're crippled inside.