Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Dont you ou hate when you're at someone's house and they ask stupid questions like "Who are you?" and "Is that a gun?",
←Rate | 10-12-2011 17:17 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't you hate it when you're angry for a certain reason, and someone makes you smile. It's just.... just... I'M TRYING TO BE ANGRY DAMMIT.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 17:08 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's that little bit of you that secretly thinks you'll be famous some day.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 16:59 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wishes the protestors would occupy Iran, North Korea, & Syria, instead of Wall street
←Rate | 10-12-2011 16:55 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon it crazy that when I go to stores and have to sign my name for stuff I sign "Daffy Duck"...I mean I guess its not a problem unless Daffy Duck steals my identity right??
←Rate | 10-12-2011 16:37 by bryan j brown Comments (0)  


   messageicon A woman gave birth shortly after finishing the Chicago Marathon on Sunday. And that's why I don't jog.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 15:49 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's annoying how people on facebook, post sad youtube videos or lyrics because they aren't over their ex. I've always wanted to say this to you. your ex doesn't give a crap, Your depressing post piss me off to no end, and I don't think he/she loves you.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 15:47 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon sometimes watch birds and wonder “If I could fly who would I sh*t on?”
←Rate | 10-12-2011 15:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mark your calendar - Valentines weekend, 2013. Die Hard 5: A Good Day to Die Hard.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 15:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I encourage more people to become hipsters. Eventually, it will make them mainstream and the self loathing can truly begin.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 15:16 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon why is everyone complaining, my Blackberry is working just fine, holding all the papers down on my desk.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 15:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Great news for BlackBerry users: a solution has been emailed to you.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 15:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon overheard at walmart ; customer service needed in the sporting goods, we have a customer by the balls.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 14:44 by srpdrzman Comments (0)  


   messageicon The last time I touched a nice ass was when my hand went through the toilet paper
←Rate | 10-12-2011 14:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon in the future i'm gonna be telling my kids "back in my day we sat the DVD player on top of the tv"
←Rate | 10-12-2011 14:13 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've just seen an advert for a cruise offering "ocean views". That's a shame, I wanted to stare at the f-kin engine for a week!
←Rate | 10-12-2011 14:13 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm pretty sure if I put what was actually on my mind as my Facebook status, all my friends would delete me.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 14:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know, it wasn't always called bipolar. It once was called "being a b!tch"
←Rate | 10-12-2011 14:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many of my friends out there update their status' on their Blackberrys?....well?....Hello....<crickets>
←Rate | 10-12-2011 13:57 by K-Mac Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Blackberry, I think it's nice that your honering Steve Jobs death with a 3 day silence.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 13:31 Comments (0)  




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