Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Dont you ou hate when you're at someone's house and they ask stupid questions like "Who are you?" and "Is that a gun?",
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10-12-2011 17:17 by g0re
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Don't you hate it when you're angry for a certain reason, and someone makes you smile. It's just.... just... I'M TRYING TO BE ANGRY DAMMIT.
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10-12-2011 17:08 by g0re
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There's that little bit of you that secretly thinks you'll be famous some day.
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10-12-2011 16:59 by g0re
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Wishes the protestors would occupy Iran, North Korea, & Syria, instead of Wall street
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10-12-2011 16:55 by Gil
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it crazy that when I go to stores and have to sign my name for stuff I sign "Daffy Duck"...I mean I guess its not a problem unless Daffy Duck steals my identity right??

A woman gave birth shortly after finishing the Chicago Marathon on Sunday. And that's why I don't jog.

It's annoying how people on facebook, post sad youtube videos or lyrics because they aren't over their ex. I've always wanted to say this to you. your ex doesn't give a crap, Your depressing post piss me off to no end, and I don't think he/she loves you.
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10-12-2011 15:47 by g0re
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sometimes watch birds and wonder “If I could fly who would I sh*t on?”
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10-12-2011 15:41
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Mark your calendar - Valentines weekend, 2013. Die Hard 5: A Good Day to Die Hard.
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10-12-2011 15:26
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I encourage more people to become hipsters. Eventually, it will make them mainstream and the self loathing can truly begin.
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10-12-2011 15:16 by flinnie
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why is everyone complaining, my Blackberry is working just fine, holding all the papers down on my desk.
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10-12-2011 15:11
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Great news for BlackBerry users: a solution has been emailed to you.
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10-12-2011 15:05
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overheard at walmart ; customer service needed in the sporting goods, we have a customer by the balls.
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10-12-2011 14:44 by srpdrzman
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The last time I touched a nice ass was when my hand went through the toilet paper
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10-12-2011 14:36
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in the future i'm gonna be telling my kids "back in my day we sat the DVD player on top of the tv"
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10-12-2011 14:13 by Eddy
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I've just seen an advert for a cruise offering "ocean views". That's a shame, I wanted to stare at the f-kin engine for a week!
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10-12-2011 14:13 by @clarkysj
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I'm pretty sure if I put what was actually on my mind as my Facebook status, all my friends would delete me.
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10-12-2011 14:13
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You know, it wasn't always called bipolar. It once was called "being a b!tch"
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10-12-2011 14:06
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How many of my friends out there update their status' on their Blackberrys?....well?....Hello....<crickets>
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10-12-2011 13:57 by K-Mac
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Dear Blackberry, I think it's nice that your honering Steve Jobs death with a 3 day silence.
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10-12-2011 13:31
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