Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Think about it this way: Due to all of the successes Steve Jobs had, news of his death is spreading faster than it ever could have. That's what I call a life's accomplishment.

   It's especially dangerous to run with scissors when someone nearby is running with rock.

   Come on Boys and Men , Grow a Moustache for Movember..just google it to find out what it's all about

   Buckwheat Word Of The Day: Dictate "I aks Darla wen she give me a bIow job how my dictate."

   David Guetta, NOT DEAD !!!!!!! :)

   When you were in elementary school, looking up the word "sex" in the dictionary was like watching porn.

   Why can't rappers just say nice things? Like, “I wanna take your clothes off and hang them up in the closet real nice."

   It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

   Childhood is like being drunk. Everybody remembers it except you.

   There comes a time when you just look at yourself in the mirror, and say" f**k it, this is as good as it's gonna get."

   It's annoying when you go to a birthday party and you know nobody there except the host/hostess, and the host/hostess doesn't even pay attention to you so you're just sitting there awkwardly.

   It was better back when you could look under a bottle cap and see you won instantly, rather than this entering a code online thing they have now. I want to look under the cap and see "YOU WON!" instead of ED34GH.

   It's really annoying when the feeling of your dream remains, but you can't remember what the dream was about.

   You think a popular place like the Krusty Krab would have more than two employees.

   After a complete high school education, the things Jimmy Neutron says don't sound all that impressive anymore.

   People say your life flashes before your eyes when you die, but Steve Apple doesn't support Flash.

   It's annoying when you think of an awesome idea or thing to do and within the next few minutes, you completely forget what it was, but the memory of how awesome it was still lingers.

   So what if you have a boyfriend! You don't see me going up to people in wheelchairs reminding them that they can't walk!

   Wanna make someone feel uncomfortable? After shaking their hand slowly lift your hand to your nose and say, Mmmmmmmm.

   Dont you ou hate when you're at someone's house and they ask stupid questions like "Who are you?" and "Is that a gun?",