Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 4454 of 6438

   messageicon I always mean it as a compliment but I've found that some parents get a little pissed off when you describe their children as "do-able."
←Rate | 10-10-2011 16:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You put the ID in stupid.
←Rate | 10-10-2011 16:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Boyfriend not calling you back? Send a text you're about to cut off all your hair. Ahhhh there he is!
←Rate | 10-10-2011 16:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If at any point in the conversation you say the word "insane," I will instantly add "in the membrane."
←Rate | 10-10-2011 16:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says to a robber, "I have brand new never before opened electronics piled up in my living room." Like a Christmas tree.
←Rate | 10-10-2011 16:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please tell me again how "Ninja training" is not an acceptable excuse to miss work for the rest of the week??? This is bullsh!t!!!
←Rate | 10-10-2011 16:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I actually hate grocery clerks who ask "paper or plastic." It's like they know I f*ck ugly women.
←Rate | 10-10-2011 16:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The thing that sucks about hanging out with my friends is that they see how much I stare at my phone and know how little I answer their texts.
←Rate | 10-10-2011 16:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon shouldn't *India* be the country that celebrates Columbus Day? Think of all the syphilis they avoided because that dude could not navigate his way out of a kiddie pool.
←Rate | 10-10-2011 16:09 by CS Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the best way to casually ask your neighbor for his wifi password?
←Rate | 10-10-2011 16:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lets AGREE to DISAGREE.. because you're too f*ckin stupid to understand me!
←Rate | 10-10-2011 15:54 by QB Comments (0)  


   messageicon In the absence of information, people make sh!t up. Worse, if they feel threatened, they make sh!t up that amplifies their worst fears.
←Rate | 10-10-2011 15:53 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't go knocking on the devil's door and expect him NOT to answer
←Rate | 10-10-2011 15:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Calories(noun)-Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sewyour clothes a little bit tighter every night.
←Rate | 10-10-2011 15:46 by david909 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I make good girls go back to the ex they still have feelings for.
←Rate | 10-10-2011 15:45 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every girl has a slutty friend.....and if you people were any kind of friend at all, you would introduce me to yours
←Rate | 10-10-2011 15:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The severity of an itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
←Rate | 10-10-2011 15:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon blackberry crashes around the world ministerially!!! well 4 days in heaven and already working on the competition, good job steve :)
←Rate | 10-10-2011 14:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel like a Tampon today...In a good place at the wrong time.
←Rate | 10-10-2011 14:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon great.... Oprah is interviewing Rosie O'Donnell tonight on OWN. tune in if you ever wondered what a Double Stuffed Oreo sounds like
←Rate | 10-10-2011 14:25 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left