Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When you get on Facebook it's either you're stalking people or playing farmville!

   I'm doing my bit to help kick-start the economy... I've started printing money too.

   Your not fooling no one! is a horrible use of double negatives, and its you're. *You're not fooling anyone would be the correct way

   You Need To Realize if you take Facebook seriously. People won't take you seriously.

   That's not YOUR girl. She's OUR girl. We just keep her at your house, but she's both of ours.

   Women plank on my bed every night.

   If a girl says, "I've never done this before" add that time to 20 more times to see what you dealing with.

   Maybe if these Wall Street protesters had put as much effort into making something out of themselves as they do protesting. They would be working on Wall Street.

   Facebook stalking should be classified as a hobby

   I like you because you leave a "Thank you" note and a sandwich on the dresser after our 1 night stand.

   I'm like your virginity, Once i'm gone, you ain't getting me back.

   it me or usually when a man cheats, he downgrades to an uglier woman, but when a woman cheats, she usually upgrades to a hotter and richer man.

   MAN RULE 105: Real men don't blow bubbles with bubble gum.

   I got 99 problems and they are all female.

   Men have the choice of loving women or understanding them. Neither will afford you any peace of mind.

   I heard you, I only said "Huh?" to buy myself time to make sure I answer your question correctly.

   If they give you a bib when eating lobster, they should definitely give you a diaper for Indian food

   Poking on Facebook is a way of saying, "I think you are cute and I like you BUT I am a coward"

   Looks like someone lost his girlfriend to a Mexican.

   Can still get a TKO on Glass Joe in the first round.