Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4454 of 6446

When something bad happens you have 3 choices, You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.

Just spent some time manscaping. Planning to donate to 'Locks for Love'.

We should be able to Text 911, you know, just in case you're hiding from a serial killer and can't talk.
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10-12-2011 13:07
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Should I wear my top up... or down ... or up... or possibly... tucked in?

I cut a chunk out of my thumb at work today.HALF-DAY, BOOYAH!
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10-12-2011 12:58
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" IDK Google it " When your kid asks you a question you know nothing about.
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10-12-2011 12:43
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$1200 for a redbone hound pup....fn puppy pimps!!!
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10-12-2011 12:43
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2 THINGS THAT DON'T MIX - Me and my ex
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10-12-2011 12:42
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Lets Be Honest, slow internet, is worse than bad sex.
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10-12-2011 12:40 by NO BODY
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I don't want to hear you complain that you can't afford basic cable when you play $20 a week on the Lotto.

This laundry detergent says I get 20oz free, but the cashier says I still have to buy the whole bottle. :(

Just because your neighbors aren't on vacation doesn't mean you still can't go through their mail.

Trying to explain to my blackberry with the death of Mr. Jobs that usually we take a MOMENT of silence not DAYS!!
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10-12-2011 10:19
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If it begins with Twi, Bieb, or Kardash, I'm not interested.
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10-12-2011 10:03
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I get re-pissed about an old situation whenever I have a flashback about it.
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10-12-2011 10:02 by NO BODY
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The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
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10-12-2011 07:40
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Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh and they'll all think your on drugs.
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10-12-2011 07:36 by Viper
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Every morning I long to hold you, I need you, I want you, I love your warmth... your smell, your taste... Ohhh coffee I love you. Good Morning!
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10-12-2011 07:33 by Viper
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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10-12-2011 07:32
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what's the difference between 'fat chance' and 'slim chance'?
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10-12-2011 07:28
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