Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I hit my snooze button so much on my alarm clock I renamed it Tina Turner.....or Luca.

   It doesn't sound manly for a guy to say he's tweeting on Twitter.

   Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to " Unstable "

   Boy: I wear the pants in this relationship. Girl: yah but I control the damn zipper.

   it rude to throw a breath mint in someone's mouth while they are talking?

   Life is like a can of whipped cream.....you have to shake things up a little before you get anything out of it.

   When I was a child,I acted like a child and had imaginary friends,now they just call it facebook.

   There is 2 types of ugly girls; the UGLY girls, and the girls with MAKE-UP.

   With all the people on my back, it's a miracle I can even walk.

   Life is sexually transmitted.

   Michael Vick is gonna DAWG the Redskins.

   What College did your "Smart phone" go to?

   I'm at that stage where I have the wardrobe of a skateboarder and the hairline of someone who yells at skateboarders.

   Girls just want to have funds.

   Moving to Google+ after a facebook change is like moving to Canada after an election. Noone actually goes through with it, and even if you did, you wouldn't have any friends when you get there.

   Admit it, your heart skips a beat when you see the 'number' on the globe icon whenever you login to FB ;o)

   Checking In' on Facebook Places is really just another way of people showing other people how much better their day is/was than yours.

   This Crest 3d whitening toothpaste didn't come with the glasses.

   It takes 2 to tangle- Headphones!

   When George Washington got carded he just pulled out a quarter.