Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When I was a child,I acted like a child and had imaginary friends,now they just call it facebook.

   There is 2 types of ugly girls; the UGLY girls, and the girls with MAKE-UP.

   With all the people on my back, it's a miracle I can even walk.

   Life is sexually transmitted.

   Michael Vick is gonna DAWG the Redskins.

   What College did your "Smart phone" go to?

   I'm at that stage where I have the wardrobe of a skateboarder and the hairline of someone who yells at skateboarders.

   Girls just want to have funds.

   Moving to Google+ after a facebook change is like moving to Canada after an election. Noone actually goes through with it, and even if you did, you wouldn't have any friends when you get there.

   Admit it, your heart skips a beat when you see the 'number' on the globe icon whenever you login to FB ;o)

   Checking In' on Facebook Places is really just another way of people showing other people how much better their day is/was than yours.

   This Crest 3d whitening toothpaste didn't come with the glasses.

   It takes 2 to tangle- Headphones!

   When George Washington got carded he just pulled out a quarter.

   Did ya ever want to throw a breath mint in someone's mouth while they were talking?

   Fridge full of food= nothing to eat. Drawer full of clothes= nothing to wear. Internet full of sites=only on Facebook.

   Whoever decided this Halloween candy is the "fun" size is not someone I care to party with.

   That akward moment when a Zombie is looking for brains and it walks right past you..

   misery is God's way of letting you know your on track!

   CNN: The most "rusted name in news".