Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you suspect someone has the power to read minds, then just play Never Gonna Give You Up in your head so they will get Rick-Rolled trying to read your thoughts.

   This just in..... everyone is NOT created equal.

   There's always that one annoying kid that says "Present!" instead of"Here!"

   I liked your post...until this happened :) xD lol <3 <33!

   It would be funny if someone calls"shotgun", and you were to just yell"Rosa Parks", get in the front seat, and refuse to move?

   Napoleon is the only Dynamite that is never going to bang.

   Life's a trip.....tie your shoes

   Everytime you use the handicap stall you secretly hope no one in a wheelchair comes in.

   if girls don't have to piss side by side with their junk out, why do guys?

   I could use some sexual harassment 

   If Patrick Star was running for president, his motto could be "We should take all of our problems, and move them somewhere else!"

   My wife told me she was going to leave me if I didn't quit making Linkin Park references. Slightly concerned, but in the end it doesn't even matter

   They say you are what you eat but I don't remember eating a sexy beast.

   The most annoying thing is when you get a pimple on your nose, like I would rather get a pimple any where else but...

   that moment when your standing out in the dark waiting for the bus and its a No school day..

   Don't you wish common sense would make a big comeback.

   Chat line commercials ,,those hot babes getting all sexed up to talk on the phone...yeah right ,guys give your head a shake.!!!!

   Your manners slowly disappear the more you have to repeat something. Example: Can you pass the salt? The salt, can you pass it. No. The SALT. GIVE ME THE SALT!

   Admit it, at least once you have sat in school and strategized about singlehandedly saving the class if a madman with a gun showed up.

   When I die I want to be buried with my a$$ sticking out of the ground, not so they can kiss it, but so people have a place to park their bikes when they come to visit.