Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   How can I "Live Like Theres No Tomorrow" if there are freaking rules and laws?

   "Sex is life"... I want you to make me immortal.

   Excuse me while I throw on this fake smile and plow through this sh*t one more day.

   I really hate people who say, "I know something about you but I cant tell you" Well, I know something about you too and its that you are an a$$hole.

   I think Fruit Loops are just Gay Cheerio's.

   Billy the kid was so mean, he once shot a man for snoring, Me? I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.

   Black guys from other countries aren't really "Black Guys"

   About half of you, I don't get ...and the other half, I don't care to.

   UK Secret Intelligence Service (aka MI6). They have their own website with the usual "About Us", "Our Strategy", Our Values" etc... Sorry, but am I missing something here? :-s

   Sooo.. In between Mundane Monday.. And Whip'em Out Wednesday.. I now proclaim today as.."Touch ur Toes Tuesday!" Because people are just so eager to F*ck you every chance they can get!

   What's with all the relationship post?! This ain't Dr.Phil! Be Funny..or Be out!

   ladies when a guy changes his status on facebook from single to in a relationship..say congratulations which hand is it this time? Right or Left

   Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what?

   Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? A:About 45 pounds!!

   Dear Facebook... How can I be near the town I'm already in?!.....Near Stfu!

   People in relationships are usually okay with cold weather because they can cuddle but lonely people are like fml it's cold.

   A creepy bug crawled into my taco and now I know why women hate spiders.

   I wonder if Foosball tables look like shish kabob buffets to a cannibal.

   Just before I die I'm going to get my hand stamped in case I want to come back in again.

   People in relationships are usually can cuddle but lonely people are like fml it's cold.