Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   4S = for steve?

   Why do they even make car alarms anymore? When's the last time you heard one and didn't just walk away muttering about what a douche they are?

   Max Factor - A mathematical equation based on the density of the makeup applied to a woman's face to determine if she is really beautiful.

   Two blondes fall down a pit. First Blonde: "It's dark in here isn't it..." Second Blonde: "I don't know, I can't see..."

   Grab somebody sexty, Text them hey, Send me everything tonight.

   We live in the "WTF" generation. [W]ikipedia [T]witter [F]acebook

   Steve Jobs was born out of wedlock, put up for adoption at birth, dropped out of college, then changed the world. What's your excuse?

   Kinda sad that future generations wont get the joy of watching scrabbled porn..."Is that a boobie or an elbow??...Hmm I dont know but it's gonna have too do"...

   If you can't fix it with duct tape, WD-40 or a martini it aint worth fixing.

   Idea: October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.. instead of posting your color bra, why not take a pic of your boobs, post them and say "Save These!" . .why beat around the bush? (or bare floor)

   My wifes name is KEYBOARD and I tap that every day!

   You say I'm dirty minded but how did you understand what I meant?

   Well, I guess we now know the grim reaper is a mexican, him coming over here and taking our Jobs. :/

   RIP Steve Jobs. Thanks for making the apple more than just afruit.

   You made trendsetting, innovative and brilliant products that most people cannot afford but all the same RIP Steve Jobs.

   Ladies: Why do you wear engagement rings to let the world know that you are taken and off the market while your man doesn't wear any? How are the opportunistic man-stealing predators suppose to know he is taken?

   "We're born alone, we live alone, and we die alone. Only thorugh our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone." Orson Wells

   Dude what are you thinking!? She has a boyfriend!!! Yeah, so??? Just cause hockey has a goalie doesn't mean you can't score!

   Eskimo marriages have increased at least tenfold due to global warming. The main reason is that young couples are finding it easier to break the ice.

   I hate when people text me.."Hey Stranger? How are you?" Clearly I'm not a stranger if you have my cell phone #!