Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "When you put a Sea-shell up to your ear, you can hear the ocean" ..... Duh! Hey Dumb a$$, why don't you drop the shell that you just picked up off the beach and turn around? *tada* there's the ocean......Shhhhhhhh.......now listen.

   Guys you ever look down at the urinal and think “Oh man I am huge!!” Then realize you have your reading glasses on? Me neither.

   For Halloween I'm going as laundry, women love doing laundry.

   My wife texted me something about a colonel being dead. I already sent a condolence letter to KFC.

   Dating Rule #7: When on a first date a gentleman always lets his lady have the Burger King crown...Cuz it will make her feel special....

   Bye Bye Moammar!.....Hussein☑ Bin Laden ☑ Ghadafi ☑ Nancy Pelosi ☐ ツ

   RIP Khaddafi. Also, RIP Qaddafi. And let us not forget: RIP Ghaddafi. And just to be safe, RIP Caddaphee.

   Mmmk....can we please have cheaper gasoline now that Ghaddafi is dead?

   TWILIGHT - Breaking Dawn Part 1: how can a guy that is basically dead get a woman pregnant? when he turned into a vampire shouldn't his sperm turn to dust like Hugh Hefner?

   It's the postproduction phase of eating fast food that takes the expierience all downhill.

   Remember these 3 words and you'll always have money: Stick-em-up!

   I wonder what happened to those sexy female bodyguards of Ghaddafi.

   Carlos Santana just announced his song "You've got to change your evil ways" is blaring at Gadaffi's grave.

   The mad dog of the Middle East is now the stray dog of Hell's streets.

   Carlos Santana wanna be, oops, I mean Muammar Gaddafi, is dead.

   ‎1 in 5 people in the world is Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad. Or my older brother George. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's George.

   Women like silent men... they think they're listening!

   Hackers reprogrammed the YouTube page of Sesame Street using porn. One of the videos was brought to you by the letter oooohhhh...

   Lindsay Lohan was taken into custody -- the good news for her parents is they can see her growing up in with all her mugshots.

   Appropriately, Gaddaffi was killed by a rebel fighter standing in the sunroof of a VW van.