santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Donated blood for the needy since it is Xmas. Now I just have to find a Salvation Army bucket to put this Ziploc baggie in.

   I can barely hear the songs on this Christmas station over the sound of the DJ choking himself with a belt.

   My letter to Santa starts something like this: Dear Santa, My sister did it..

   Just got a peek at Santa's naughty list! Amazingly, it's almost identical to my friends list. Can't believe some of the things you people have done!

   For some reason, they dont seem to be marketing the Tickle Me Elmo as heavily this Christmas.

   In Dec, cops should take off the blue lights and make them green. It's more festive... Like getting pulled over by Santa.

   with the upcoming end of the world quickly approaching, in lieu of Christmas cards this year, I have sent out checks out to all my friends in the amount of $1,000,000 post dated 12/22/2012. Good luck finding a bank that isn't under water everyone!

   Choosing someone based on their looks, is like picking a Christmas gift based on the wrapping paper.

   My lack of Christmas shopping is pretty much dependent on the Mayans being right

   Any of my friends who believe the "Mayan's Prediction" please let me know as soon as possible. Your opinion will only be based on this years Christmas gifts. Thanks :)

   I wonder if the Three Wise Men said to Jesus, "Just to be clear, these gifts are for your birthday AND Christmas."

   ur as fake as my Christmas tree

   Its That time of the year to start wearing my Christmas outfit. Its all black, I have less chances of being seen when I am out at night rearranging peoples yard deer in to sex poses. I just feel Christmas needs more Ninjas!

   It's December! I guess it's time to pretend I'm putting up the Christmas lights... that I never took down from last year

   A cute thing I tell my kids is that if you fart while sitting on Mall Santa's lap, Real Santa will bring you extra presents.

   during the local christmas parade tonight, the local hospital had a float that read "more than a hospital"...yeah, they're also a morgue

   The Hot New Toy this Christmas season will be "Outsource Me Elmo" Which is simply an empty box as Elmo's job has now gone to a Muppet in Asia.

   it's that time of the year to again remind all the douchebags that think Xmas is a word that they are all going to Hell...

   Mowing the grass on December 1st. Like every year, I'm having a green Christmas.

   My Christmas card this year is going to be a photo of a me in a recliner drinking a beer while watching football. It will say "Happy Holidays from a single guy."