Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   An Airline introduced a Special Package for Businessmen; “BUY YOUR TICKET AND GET ONE FREE FOR YOUR WIFE” After a year of great success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking if they enjoyed the free tickets. All of them gave the same reply

   That uneasy moment when you work at Subway and have to make a girl a sandwich.

   I heard you are a PLAYA. Nice to meet you, I am the COACH.

   Women don't trust Men, not because they cheat but because they know how scandalous and shady other Women are!

   Dont treat your lady like rubbish or another man will just recycle her

   Yes there's plenty of fish in the sea, but don't forget about the sharks, seaweed, oil spills, toxic waste and the Somali pirates.

   Feels like I spooned an aggressive hedgehog last night.

   I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

   The embarrassing moment when you accept a compliment that wasn't meant for you.

   I just turned on the news and they said "The Occupiers are trying to figure out where to go to next." How about a job interview?

   Q: What would happen if the earth rotates 30 times faster? A: Men would get their salary everyday and women would bleed to death.

   Turns out that button in the elevator with the fireman's hat on it... is not the button you push if you want a fireman's hat.

   I'm a member of the CSI - “Can't. Stand. Idiots.”

   No matter how fast you run, michael myers will walk faster.

   Want to surprise your girlfriend? Introduce her to your wife.

   Two chicks in one untagged Facebook profile picture? The account belongs to the ugly one.

   At 11:11 AM and PM today. It will be 11-11-11 11 11 and that doesn't mean sh!t. Carry on with your day folks.

   It's Friday, Saturday's less hungover neighbor.

   Sorry for drunk texting you again last night. I assure you that I didn't mean what I said, unless you feel the same way

   I don't need anger management... I need people to stop talking to me when I wake up.