BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Dear sleep, I know we had problems when I was younger, but now I love you.

   Some feelings are hard to express, you just feel them.

   Stop looking at your phone, he hasn't texted or called. But that's okay because he doesn't deserve a girl like you anyways.

   Sometimes “I'm single” means “I'm drama free”, “less stressed” and “I refuse to settle for less.”

   I don't run often, but when I do, it's with arms and fingers completely straight, super-cool gymnast style.

   If Facebook has proved ANYTHING, it's that the love of your life is someone you've never actually met.

   Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!

   The world is made up of kids who can't wait to grow up...and adults who wish they hadn't.

   I just pictured my life.....and there isn't room for you in the frame.

   Scientists Say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons.. They Forgot to mention Morons..

   Second chances: When it just didn't hurt enough the first time.

   I hope the Olympics has taught kids and parents that in real life you do not get a trophy just for participating.

   Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans. 

   “I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook

   I'm pretty sure God created only 6 days, Monday was definitely made by Satan.

   The five second rule also applies to wearing sunglasses indoors.

   One must respect the "every-other urinal" law. There are 10 open urinals, why would you want to pee right next to another dude?

   BEST ADVICE: Be happy in front of people who don't like you, it kills them.

   Just got this porn called "Hot & Horny Housewives 3." Do you think I will understand what's going on if I haven't seen 1 and 2?

   Welcome to Hollister would you like a gas mask, flashlight, or earplugs?