Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   - I sleep peacefully knowing negative energy can always be transformed into good energy with one click on that delete button ........ click , click , click ... GONE :)

   Admit it – no matter how much you play it cool, you've gotten butthurt over something minor on the Internet before.

   Went out and bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it :-s

   B!tch please, my bubblegum flavor lasts longer than your relationships.

   In elementary school, it was a crime to give homework on Fridays.

   Thinking Washington will be the answer to the world's problems is like re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

   We should feed tuna fish mayonnaise, thereby saving a step in the sandwich making process.

   I sleep peacefully knowing negative energy can always be transformed into a one night stand.

   My dog could have just asked for smoke instead of eating the whole pack.

   GEORGE SOROS HAS JETPACKS AND HE'S NOT SHARING!!!!

   Guy at coffee shop just requested something "dunkable." This is making me uncomfortable.

   ou know you're lazy when you don't have any clean bowls so you eat cereal off a plate.

   Excuse me. Anyone know when the Occupy Hooters rally starts?

   wondering if it is weird to hold a conversation with the guy in you head.... "No Billy, I'm not talking about you."

   Problem: people lie. Solution: trust no one.

   It's the little things that make life so beautiful, like when a baby steps on a cat and they both go apesh!t

   Men cheat the most, women cheat the best!

   Just saying I love Google. It gives me everything I need, except head.

   It makes me laugh when I see HOES arguing with other HOES about being a HOE

   Ladies: If he had to run to the car to scrape up some change to buy you a drink do yourself a favour and walk away.