Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   How much you wanna bet I can throw a football over them mountains?

   Terrell Owens held a work out for NFL teams today,was televised by ESPN &the NFL Network.problem was no NFL teams actually showed.Reminds me of Napoleon Dynamite when Uncle Rico is videotaping himself playing football.How much you w

   it's true, I too was born a poor, black child.

   Its strange to think that decades from now, people might be dressing like US for Halloween, like they do for flappers, or hippies.

   If two girls wear the same costume for Halloween, they are officially enemies for the day.

   It looks like your supermarket is dressing up as Christmas for Halloween.

   Hi I'm Muammar Gaddafi, and this is "Escape Tunnel"....Welcome to Jackass!

   At one point in their life, 90% of all women will have intelligent DNA, unfortunately most will spit it out!

   Chris Brown & I have a totally opposite understanding of the term "I'de hit that"

   Whoa!!!!! The McRib is back in McDonald's....next thing you know they may go back to putting real meat in the hamburgers!!!!!

   I go on Facebook cause of habit, not for something to do...

   Next time the bully asks you for your lunch money, tell him you left it on his mother's dresser.

   Saying, "Comment and like the pic please!" on Facebook is no different than saying, "Please make my self- esteem go up"

   Had dinner with a girl tonight! Ok so maybe she was on the tv, but we were eating at the same time so I'm counting it.

   If anyone needs to walk near the left side of my house it's cool because I went ahead and took care of that enormous spider web with my face.

   Last year for Halloween me and my mate were meant to go trick or treating as a pair of breasts. He didn't turn up and I went by myself. I looked like a right tit.

   There is always this person on Facebook who thinks he/she can teach you the meaning of life in a two sentence status and you're like'Deep, real deep''.

   People think the pile of bodies outside my door is a Halloween decoration, it isn't. I've plugged the doorbell into the mains.

   For Halloween I'm going to wear a pacman suit and chase Muslim women in burkas around the town centre.

   Ok, I get it. You want to talk to me! But that doesn't mean that you have to send me 4 texts 8 missed calls, a facebook chat, and a facebook message. I wil respond eventually to one simple text. Go buy some patience on E-bay.