Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   who keeps posting all these lameo spongebob jokes please stop your wasting space for the good stuff thats put here daily

   I am not an alcoholic, I am a social drinker. I can't help it if I'm more social than the rest of you!!

   Every status has the potential to be funny with the proper amount of alcohol and or narcotic.

   I taught her how to love, she taught me how to hate.

   Remember: Eat your school, stay in drugs, and don't do vegetables, ok? :)

   there a market for a limo "General Lee" where you consume alcohol from a Mason jar and have direct access to a "Dixie" horn? One can only dream...

   Want to finish that game of Monopoly we started 10 years ago???

   It's casual Friday. Go give your boss the finger!

   Some people don't need an "Easy" button, they need a "STFU" button.

   The nice black lady working at my hotel is named "Cliche". I hope her brother is named "Stereotype".

   Now that we've separated all the crazies into "Tea Party" and "Occupy Wall Street," can us normals just get on with our lives?

   People I am hating today: Anyone who refers to guacamole as "guac."

   You know you're country when you use a horse trailer to move.

   Because I was born in the 90s I have, so far, lived through 3 decades, 2 centuries and 2 millenniums and I am yet to be 20!

   Nothing is ever worth giving up your class.

   Some people need to realize that Facebook is a social networking, not a diary.

   Recession update: I'm down to one burrito per paycheck. I have neither the energy nor the pico de gallo to joke about this.

   Health Tip: rubbing fruit in the palms of your hands is not a safe alternative to washing with water.

   amazed of how human body transforms food into sh!t...

   wondering if Linus will spend all night in the pumpkin patch again this year.